Instagram…

…is boring.

Well, maybe not entirely . I’m on instagram. I love looking at my friends pictures. I follow friends and celebrities. To me instagram is much more entertaining than twitter. I can’t keep up with most people’s tweets.

Just like on Facebook, some people post way too often. And I know twitter only gives you so many characters, but you have that much to say maybe you should be blogging. Actually, I take that back. If you have that much to say that is either entertaining, informative, or inspirational…then you should may want to consider blogging.

This is one of the reasons, instagram is the only social app I decided to keep. Some people can also post pictures like crazy, but pictures tell much better stories than any tweet or status update, in my humble opinion.

So why I do I say instagram is boring? Because I have way too many thoughts that I want to put out there with no picture available.

I miss Facebook for this reason. I don’t update all day, but I miss having an outlet to put out my little nuggets of wisdom, revelation and questions. On the flip side though, what really is my posting purpose?

Like I said in my last blog, I would post and then check and recheck if anyone had liked of commented. Just to have some validation. The most frustrating is when I would actually have a deep question or an urgent question, and people would just like it and give me no answers.

I don’t think social media helps us to develop socially. Some think that the power to post is to say whatever you want whenever you want. I’m all for free speech. However freedom comes with responsibility, and a lot of people on Facebook show me they have no discipline at all. Then others don’t respond in any way shape or form. They’re there to stalk and take stock of you …not to be your friend.

I do miss it though…

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Lost in a sea of posts

The last you saw me I had deactivated my Facebook page. I know many people who get on and get off and then back on again on Facebook. There is something about it that is totally smothering. Not to mention…yes, to mention, that it is mostly a self-absorbed waste of time. There are many pros and cons when it comes to social media. But one thing is for sure: Facebook has become a job.

There have to be a rare few, like my husband, that just get on Facebook to play games. My husband is not about posting pictures, posting his every thought or checking in at every venue. And I don’t want to sound like I’m above it all…because I am totally a poster, a status updater and check-in girl! I was checking my phone constantly. Did anyone leave a comment? Did anyone like my status, picture or check in? No one is paying attention to my life on Facebook! This must mean that I am unimportant. 

Sick, right?

That is why I had to get off. You know, you can feel lonely enough as it is in this big world; it is not enough that now we can get swallowed up in a sea of status updates, pictures and videos.

Yesterday wasn’t bad. I was sick all day, so I didn’t have time to miss Facebook. Today I went back to work. I’m surprised at how often I didn’t check my phone. Before I deleted all my apps I was checking my phone nonstop, getting dirty looks from certain coworkers for always being on my phone when they popped into my office. I wake up to pee at 3 am practically every morning…I would grab my cell and take it with me to the bathroom to see what I missed in the last 5 hours. I wouldn’t check my phone to check up on others though. I was checking if anyone was checking up on me.

I almost resent social media right now. I don’t want to knock those who stay on Facebook. I was just really tired of getting lost in it. Losing who I am because of it. I want my friends to come find me outside of Facebook. Is that snooty? If you want to have friends you must first show yourself to be friendly. So I don’t want to stalk my friends on Facebook any more.

Now just to figure out how to get in touch with people when no one wants to pick up a phone call any more….

The Pros and Cons of Weight Loss

This girl is too funny and too real not to follow her blog!

Blogging again and letting go of Facebook

Wow! I hadn’t really realized how long I had disappeared from this blog.

I found myself slowly climbing back up the scale. Actually, last year in October, I went to the emergency room with severe pains in my stomach. The doctors thought it was my gallbladder. They ran blood work, I had an ultrasound done…nothing. Everything was clear. All they could some up was that I had gastritis or an ulcer. So they sent me home. That weekend I had another blood test to check for H. pylori. Clear there too. Every since then I have had a chronic battle with my stomach and a battle with the “poor me’s”.

I haven’t yet gotten a reign on my diet. My exercise is totally nonexistent. But this blog has been in the back of my brain nagging me. I knew that I had to get back on it. Blogging that is. Resurrecting the Girl is about a fight. And I don’t want to quit.

Actually, I decided to come back today because I deactivated my Facebook and Twitter. Besides wanting to feel better and look better, this blog was also supposed to be about my mental and spiritual well-being. When I was rolling on the fitness train, I was obsessed! But I was doing awesome! The other parts of me that needed such similar attention fell by the way side.

I have been struggling a lot with my identity. I feel like I lost a part of myself when I became overweight and then obese. Also, becoming an adult has been very awkward for me. I was and am (deep inside, now it is hidden) a social butterfly of sorts. I am silly. I am funny (people I guess are laughing at me if not with me!). I used to be the life of the party. Gaining weight has made me uncomfortable in my own skin. However, at my own peril I have alienated those I long to be around the most, friends.

Many things had happened in my life, and feeling unworthy has become my niche. The cross that I carry daily. I was using Facebook to basically hurt myself. I was torturing myself by watching others from the outside. Watching old friends having fun with new friends. I am feeling miles away from a world that I don’t know even know I can get back to. So I had to cut it out. I know that I have friends. I actually have many good friends and people who I adore immensely. Yet, I don’t have a best friend (other than my husband) near by. My actual go-to-girl, my LOVE (!), lives in another state, and though we communicate practically every day, all day…I miss the closeness of a friends laugh, hug and jabs.

I want to learn to really love myself as I am and for who I am…. because that is so important in loving others genuinely. I don’t want to be jealous, which I am. I don’t want to be  bitter, which I fear may be true. I don’t want to compare myself to others any more. I don’t want to reject myself any more.

So, I am planning on getting back on track with my health; because if I have to live with gastritis, I can’t take my health lightly. But I am going to work on another project in the mean time. I loved my 40 day rounds when I blogged about fitness and health. So I’m going to blog about 40 days without Facebook.

This is my first post, and though right now I feel relieved of it (Facebook) I know I will feel the pain of it tomorrow when I go back to work. The incessant checking on my phone I know will drive me crazy. I took all my social apps off, well except for Instagram. Facebook is like a disease, and I’m sure if you’re normal and have a Facebook page, you know exactly what I mean. I’m going to need a prayer. I need to find contentment in myself and in my circumstances whether I feel good about them or not. I want to know what it means to cultivate real friendship, a true friendship…possibly get back to the purity of friendship before Facebook.

We’ll see what happens I guess. I keep saying it, but one way or the other this girl is going to resurrect!

a year gone & a new year for living with passion

Today makes exactly one year since I started this blog and my Resurrecting journey. It has been a year of many ups and downs, victories and defeats. I have learned a lot about myself and my resolve. I had no idea up until this last year how I actually ticked and functioned.

In one year I have lost 10% of my body weight (22 lbs to date), and though I haven’t gone to the doctor yet, I’m pretty sure I have brought down my cholesterol. I have learned how strong I really am, how scared I am and how much further I still have to go.

Since my birthday, back in June, I have fallen off the health and fitness wagon. I have been struggling to get back on. I have two weddings coming up and I cannot show up looking a hot mess. I want to look hot! hehehehe

Other than continuing my weight loss journey, I had to remind myself of all the reasons I started this blog in the first place. Originally, yes, I began this blog because I was fat and tired and tired of being fat and tired. (Read here) However, as I read back on my earlier blogs I realized that being fat wasn’t my only problem. I was very unhappy with my life in general. My health was a mess. My spiritual/Christian life was a mess. I had no dreams or vision, and I was drowning.

Though my weight has changed, not much of anything else really has. It has been a constant pull and push on all the other areas. Two steps forward, one step back kind of deals. That has been very frustrating. Though a year has gone by (and it’s been a good year), I must continue in a frame of thought that this “resurrecting” process is for life. I have not been able to make a steady life change on eating healthier and being more active. I have not made a steady life change toward prayer and devotion (personal Bible study). I’m still treading water, and it’s exhausting.

The last couple of weeks have a been a little stressful for me. Things at worked seemed a little unsure. As I said, my health and fitness took a major snooze. I began to become overwhelmed with a feeling of emptiness. I was unhappy. I had no vision or dream. I began to pray out of desperation and embarrassment. I need a dream, a vision. I need structure and clarity. I want to thrive not just survive. So, I am in the midst of devising a new strategy for my new year.

I know enough now what I should be eating and how I should be working out. I have to stop making excuses and put in the work. I know I need order and schedules and plans. So I need to make them to follow through. The same goes with prayer and devotion to God. It doesn’t just happen. And I have been fooling myself waiting around for the clouds to open… This new year is about learning to focus and surrender. I love my comfort zones, and I love to sleep and laze my day away. Yet I panic when I feel like there is no time to do things I know are important.

I wrote out what I do on a weekly basis,  a 168 hour week. In 168 hours I found a least 20 hours that weren’t ear marked for anything. Though there should be time for rest/leisure, these hours were just being wasted. I was really shocked. My excuse of “no time” fell flat. So, how to fill the time?

I love, loooove to sleep. Sleeping is a god to me. It’s a harsh reality I had to confront. I always say there’s no time to pray or read my Bible in silence. How about I wake up 45 minutes earlier and do this? But Sleep…sweet wonderful Sleep? This can’t be any longer. I actually sleep way too much any way. Waking up 45 minutes to an hour earlier wont kill me. (Or will it?)

I fell off the fitness train, and again I say “there is no time”. I found 1 whole hour almost every day where I wasn’t doing anything in particular. Gym time found. Next excuse…

I need to learn that time real does not wait for anyone. You either use the time, or you lose it. Forever. Time is something you never get back, and that may cause some of our biggest regrets. I want to use my time wisely to grow, to live better and to accomplish my dreams. This past year was about getting my self-esteem back. This new year is going to be about living with passion.

augh! *sigh*

Ugh….I feel like Charlie Brown, so disgusted and frustrated. Is it just me? I mean, am I the only one that gets comfy and stops trying? What is that?!

Every 5 pounds lost is a battle to lose, and once it’s lost I have to wage another battle to get off my behind. I have to battle all my will. It is just so frustrating.

I have been at 195 for a while now, just kind of yo-yo-ing in fluctuation. I haven’t been working out, I don’t want to count Weight Watchers PPVs, I don’t feel like eating healthy. It’s a freakin’ war in my head right now between what I know I should be doing and what I feel like doing. Because honestly, I want to eat healthier and be fit…so what is that? What is going on?

It happens every time. I just can’t seem to convince myself fully to have faith in the process and have conviction to make the correct choices. All is not lost though I guess, if I still have a glimmer of desire to live a healthy life. I am not powerless, and I refuse to let myself fall into the lies of fatalism. I am not a fatalist! I have the tools. I have the knowledge. All I need now is the courage.

*sigh* Thanks for letting me get all that out there.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

when life gives me food, I eat it…and now to start over!

It has been a crazy 11 days.

Last Tuesday was my birthday (the 26th). I started celebrating on the 24th by going out to eat at this restaurant called The Velvet Cactus. It’s supposed to be Mexican, but it’s more of a Nola-Mex if you ask me. Food was decent, atmosphere real cool. Afterwards, we (husband, kid and friends) went down to:

The best Italian ice cream in New Orleans!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had the banana pudding gelato...Oh my word….’Nuff said.

Monday, I took off from work and a friend of mine took me out for lunch. I had shrimp quesadillas with a chipotle aioli. I ate it all up! Tuesday, a co-worker took me out for Mexican. Wednesday I chilled out and actually made it to the gym. Then Thursday I went out with some of my girls to The Rum House and had more awesome tacos, fried plantains and a beer. It was all so yummy.

Sunday afternoon, me and the family left for a little vacation station on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I feel like I haven’t stopped eating! It was all so good and yummy…but I think I’m actually growing tired of food, for now. I had started a new 40 day round last week, but looks like I’m going to have to reset my modem. My belly is feeling so yucky. My body feels sluggish. And on top of all that I have a cold. So I’m going to spend the next 4 days trying to cleanse my body a bit.

I need some apples. I need to make sure I drink plenty of water. Which reminds me that I need to pick up some Tazo Zen tea. My body and tummy perk up so much when I drink it. No crazy purges here, but I do need to “re-align” my stomach (and my schedule). I need to do a lot of tweaking to my food, exercise and personal schedule again. I feel like I’m always telling myself this, but if I don’t make lists, plans and memos, I’ll never get things done. Time to get things back on track!

 

 

Life in 40 days, Part 1

Yesterday marked the end of Another 40 Days. These 40 day intervals are really working for me. For this post, I had the bright idea of posting pictures that I’ve randomly taken over the last 4o days. This way I don’t have to work too hard in trying to find motivation things to say. (Can you say, Lazy! hehehe) I am pretty sure that by this point in my journey, I can say Officially that this now my life style. I am choosing a resurrected life, in more ways than one! So here is a small view of what my life has been like the past month and a half! Enjoy!

1st day of this past 40 day round.

Going to work, feeling confident!

Strong enough to fight off this temptation! Honestly, who would eat something like this? lol

Enjoying a good workout outside before it gets too hot! I love this view.

Treats! And what a wonderful treat. My knees can actually support me in heels and platforms!! Relish the seemingly little things. They’re not so little!

Feeling tiny and looking it too! 🙂

I like to call them Shrimp Gondolas! Yummy, healthy food that helps make the journey a lot easier.

More treats! After a good workout: protein shake, shoes off, QUIET and a good book.

Finished product for this round. After 40 days I’m 4.5 pounds lighter! Yay Me! 🙂

mad crazy

It has been a crazy week for me, mad crazy week.

First off, I would love to report a 3 pound weight loss for this week! Talk about insanity! I, who can barely lose a pound on a good week, lost 3 pounds! I must say though, that it wasn’t without effort. I have been working out hard. I’ve been pushing myself on my walk/jogs on the treadmill or when I work out on the levee. I have been trying to walk 2 miles at or under 35 minutes. Plus, last Friday I not only did my 2 miles on the treadmill, I also did 3 miles in 20 minutes on the stationary bike, then came home and did 25 minutes of yoga! I may try make that a Friday ritual. I really enjoyed it.

Food-wise, I really haven’t been doing anything different. I’m still on Weight Watchers, so I keep track of my points or I do the Simply Full method. Simply Full is when you don’t necessarily keep track of points, but do eat as much food off the “power foods” list. Power foods are fresh/frozen fruits, veggies, lean proteins and grains.

However, if losing 3 pounds this week wasn’t crazy enough….I have been sick…I guess.

Friday or Saturday night the back of my head, around my left ear, felt tender to the touch. Though it kind of hurt, I just figured it was from all the headbands I had been wearing lately. I didn’t think much of it. Sunday night, I started feeling a worst pain. Now there was a pea sized knot behind my left ear. I went to work on Monday. The pain was mildly uncomfortable, but it was very uncomfortable to fall asleep. I couldn’t lay on my back because I would put pressure on the knot. I couldn’t lay on my side because my neck would stretch and a move the knot. It was not cool.

By Tuesday night, I was crying, praying… I didn’t know what to do. So I went to Urgent Care on Wednesday. Doctor checked my ears, nose and throat. Clear! I had no trouble swallowing. No fever. Blood pressure, good. My lymph node was swollen. Apparently, (I didn’t know this till recently) the lymph system is what flushes out impurities in your body. The lymph node behind my ear was trying to fight off a cold or a sore throat. Good catch, little guy! So, that’s why I guess I was sick..but not really. The doc gave me antibiotic/penicillin to take for 2 weeks clear out whatever was trying to attack me.

Yeah..mad crazy week.

real living

Bwahahahaha! With 16 days to go, it is needless to say that I wont be making my 8 pound goal. It’s all good though. Nothing wrong with reaching for the moon. Maybe I can do 8 pounds by labor day. As slowly as I lose weight, that is totally reasonable. I did lose 1.7 lbs. this week, though! Yay!

My goals need to become more reasonable, sure. In the meantime, I am enjoying the confidence that losing weight (and the work it is taking) is yielding. Beyond numbers, a healthy lifestyle brings about so much fun, enjoyable living! When I was in my teens, I was always the life of the party. I brought fun with me every where. After gaining weight and going through other personal blunders, who I truly was disappeared. Hence this blog! Thanks to God, I am finally seeing glimpses of the old me. Of course, older and wiser now, but I am still fun and can still be a life force of enjoyment for my friends! That to me, means more than 8 lbs lost in 4 weeks. This is real living!

 

On the sky deck @ the avenue hotel, Uptown Nola. Ready for a party!

 

At a girls night out, about 4(?) years ago, with Desiree “Hotness” Munoz-Grubb. Check out her blog http://www.operationhotnessblog.wordpress.com

 

 

 

 

Resurrecting the girl & Operation: Hotness
It was a costume party..in case you’re wondering. lol

I am totally enjoying this life! Can’t wait to see what’s next!