a manifesto

Maybe I watch too many movies. I really think I expect to wake up one morning, sound track blaring with opening credits, and walk into a plot line already scripted out for me. Now, I do believe my days have been written out in God’s book (Psalm 139), but I’m delusional in thinking that just in a matter of hours I’ll be where I need to be. I keep hearing that this life is a marathon and that my individual race is not about speed but endurance. So why am I in such a hurry? It’s obvious that our generation is spoiled by instant everything. It’s hard now a days to live a disciplined life because that requires time, and the whammy…someone always has a way to get to the desired goal faster. Forget if it’s healthy or reasonable. Just get me slim and grounded already!

A lack of patience will get us into trouble eventually, and the more we search out quicker ways to achieve something without a cultivated discipline, the deeper our hole gets. Don’t get me wrong, a goal may eventually be reached by “instant schemes”, but we wont have character to make results last. That’s what I really desire: a lasting reward, a lasting life legacy. I admit that I am very afraid to get my hands dirty, wake up earlier and sacrifice leisure. I’m lazy, I know it, and I don’t believe in myself. I’m too afraid to trust God, too afraid to believe that I have any kind of strength.  Tapping into strength means working out muscles and that doesn’t come without pain or having a determined purpose.

I want to believe I have purpose, not just know it. Knowing anything is not enough. Knowing doesn’t get you anywhere; application of knowledge does. I am a person who sets themselves up to fail before they even take a step. I’m screaming on the inside! I don’t want to do that any more. I don’t want to be afraid of pain. No one lives this life without it. I might as well use it to better myself than to hide myself.

I received a short but poignant revelation about the soul. The soul longs to be unified with the body and mind. We really cannot function properly without this being so. Just like children crave and need structure, so do our souls. We need to have, not only passion, but solid committed direction. To follow the path of commitment we need the working character of a disciplined life. I have been looking and questioning my life’s path over the past few years. The same thing keeps coming up true. I have no set, committed, direction. I dabble all over the place and wonder why I don’t feel stable.

I don’t leave myself anywhere long enough to fully grow. I have no deep roots. Jesus taught a parable about a farmer who was sowing seeds. Some seeds landed on the road and were eaten by birds. Some landed in shallow soil, quickly sprouted but were scorched by the sun. Some landed among weeds, and the weeds choked the plants. Then there were seeds that landed in fertile ground and grew a great harvest. Everything God has taught me through His word, through people, etc. has landed on very shallow soil. My excitement shoots up quickly, but because I have no deep roots, my excitement fades as quickly as it appeared. It’s very frustrating to leave things done half way.

Like I said before, I have to take all my “knowings” and commit myself to apply what I know is right and true for my life. Living a life “half way” is no quality of life at all, and it eventually shows. I can blame only myself because only I can choose to do the work. I have learned that work is not a curse. The constant fight to get motivated to work is a curse. It is a curse I will fight with till the day I die, for sure. However, I’m done being married to laziness and fear. It’s time to commit to building character.

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About Alejandra
I am a mother and wife. I work a regular 9-5. I love writing, whether if it's to vent, inspire or to just be creative. I can come from many different angles, but one thing is for sure. It's all me.

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