starting over, making plans…feels like deja vu

I need to write out my ideas and plans. I don’t know where it started. I hated making outlines for papers in high school. Seems though, that the older I get the more my thoughts get jumbled up. Every time I decide to start over, I have to write my plan, my goals and my meal ideas. Today, I have once again written out a plan. This time though, I am not only tackling my health but my spirit as well. I really do feel sometimes like I need a life coach. I have this need to make sure every thought or idea I have is reasonable, sensible and probable. I wasn’t like that when I was younger. I really don’t know where I started to doubt every single idea that pops into my head.

I told my best friend this morning that I have a real issue with fear. I fear that anything I try to do will fail, and I really want to remedy that. I believe that God knows me more than I know myself. He knows exactly what I’m capable of doing, and anything that I lack the strength to do He will push me on. In Jesus we have untapped power to go  beyond ourselves and achieve things that we probably could only ever dream of. It may seem like a stupid dream to be thinner, but my eating habits have made me fat, which in turn have made me a prisoner. I hate being tired all the time. I hate literally feeling the weight I carry around my belly. That same weight I feel around my stomach I feel in my heart. And without my heart I cannot win my prize.

I am going to jump-start (once again) my walk with God and my diet. I’m going to be doing The Purpose Driven Life devotional for forty days, and in that time I will also be living a fasted life style. I will give up fast food and sodas, I’m going to cut back on rice and bread and eat more greens. I will be going to bed earlier and waking earlier too. My plan is to study my devotional and meet with God in prayer. I cannot do this without Him. I have to include Him or this will never fully work the way I know it needs to.

I’m praying and hoping that I’m not wrong. I hope that this isn’t something that will just spring up and then fizzle out within days. I can’t keep having this same deja vu sequence over and over again in my life. This has to be the final cross-road. God help me because I will never be able to do this without your help and guidance. Please don’t let me be wrong, again.



About Alejandra
I am a mother and wife. I work a regular 9-5. I love writing, whether if it's to vent, inspire or to just be creative. I can come from many different angles, but one thing is for sure. It's all me.

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