first step down a long road

I woke up this morning thinking about the next 40 days. I have tried many times to lose weight and to get my spiritual life in order. They have seemed in the past to be separate issues, but over the last few weeks I have been finding the two very intertwined. I have always worked on these two issues separately because I have just thought that God is more interested in me praying and reading the Bible than me being obese. Of course, any one can tell you that your body is your temple, and if you know your scripture you definitely know this to be true.“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I have thought about this scripture many, many,  many times. What does it mean that your body is a temple? Is it just that God resides in me? Is it a place of worship or a place to worship? How can I honor God with my body?

I have gone to church all my life. But my church’s building has never been traditional, as far as churches go. Traditional cathedrals are beautiful. They give you a sense of awe.  They can inspire faith. When I look at myself in the mirror I feel a sense of dread and disappointment. Though others may not look at me with disgust or disapproval, I’m pretty sure my body doesn’t invite looks of awe or inspire in any way. I don’t want to be a Christian who talks about temples and looks like a crack house. The words I speak reveal daily who I am and what I believe, so does my body. My body speaks volumes about how, somewhere along the way, I gave up on myself.

Like I said, I woke up this morning thinking about the next 40 days, and a huge feeling of dread and doubt filled me. What if this is just another attempt that will end up with no results. I can barely get up in the morning to get ready for work. I’m kidding myself if I think I’ll get up even earlier to read my Bible and pray. I keep saying “no more fast food!” And every day I’m trying to figure out how to score some for lunch or for dinner. God, what if my words are empty? What if I all I have are good intentions and no back bone to act? I cannot deal with any more failure or regret. I don’t want to look behind me, I want to look forward. I know this going to be a long road, and I don’t want to be afraid of failing. I believe that God is a god of mercy and forgiveness. If He can continually love me and offer His hand day in and day out, to pull me out of my pits (because there are many!), I better be smart enough to take it!

So here I go. Step one…

I want to inspire like this!

222 LBS to be exact

your complexion tells a lot about your diet. I am incredibly pale.

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About Alejandra
I am a mother and wife. I work a regular 9-5. I love writing, whether if it's to vent, inspire or to just be creative. I can come from many different angles, but one thing is for sure. It's all me.

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