36: resurrecting the writer

I love The Biggest Loser. So of course, I was watching it last night! In one particular segment I watched contestant Courtney Rainville playing basket ball with her team trainer, Dolvett Quince. He had found out that Courtney use to play sports. She loves sports, but since her weight gain she hasn’t wanted to play. The more she shot baskets, the happier and confident she became, and even confessed that playing sports was a big boost to her self-esteem. I am not a sports fanatic. So playing sports, though fun, doesn’t make me feel “whole”, so to speak.

What I love is music, writing songs and singing. I’m good at it. I’m not saying I’m the best ever, but I got some game. I spent 2 years of on my late teens/early 20’s  working on music demos. I met a lot of talented people and made some very good friends. I can say, with all honesty, it was the best time of my life. I feel a part of me is missing, now that I’m not working on anything music related. I don’t feel whole. Singing and writing songs are where I feel myself the most. Music makes me feel confident, smart, happy and even sexy because it’s such a real part of my personality.

A lot of things have gone down since I was 19.  I have suffered a lot disappointment and stalling. But I’ve discovered that the biggest stall I have placed is myself. Before I got help working on a demo, I use to write all the time just because I loved it! I couldn’t live without a composition notebook and good pen back in high school. I would write about everything and anything I felt. My poetry was my therapy. Some where along the way it shifted from having fun to trying to finding a means to an end. Writing songs or poetry hasn’t been fun in a long time, but it’s only because of my own hang ups.

I am realizing again that God made me a writer. He made me a singer. He made me creative, and there is nothing wrong about creating just to create…just because it brings me joy. I was created because it brought God joy. I can’t keep holding back what makes me happy because I’m disillusioned with not being famous. (I’m such a loser. LOL) So off I go now to buy a new notebook and a really good pen. 🙂

****Thanks to my dear friends Anamaris and Tobi, for helping realizing much of this. You are the greatest friends that I have. It makes me sad that you live so far away.****

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About Alejandra
I am a mother and wife. I work a regular 9-5. I love writing, whether if it's to vent, inspire or to just be creative. I can come from many different angles, but one thing is for sure. It's all me.

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