24-22: the mind is a battle field

Accountability can be scary and humiliating. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about the “ugliest” parts of yourself. It’s just like being naked in front of a mirror. You are putting everything out there for examination.

First step in being accountable is finding someone you can trust. Or if you’re lucky enough to have a good friend that can see through your crap, that’ll work too! Having someone call you out on your excuses is frustrating but refreshing. You have to be willing to look past your fears and find out what is really true about You.

I found someone who can work out with me, and I have been sending her a food journal every night. It has been nerve-racking because I’m still messing up with food portions and being unprepared. I almost lied on yesterday’s food journal, but I knew that if I sent in a lie I would not be helping myself. I would save face, but not my body.

My family and I are preparing for yet another move (5 moves in 6 years), and I won’t be able to join a gym till we’re settled. But my trainer decided to be very generous and take me as her guest and work out with me any way. We’re supposed to start tonight. Last night I began to freak out. I even had a dream that I was on an obstacle course, running up and down stairs and breath! I woke up this morning terrified. What if my trainer judges me? I’m so out of shape and so heavy, maybe I won’t be able to keep up. What if it’s too hard and I quit, yet again? What if after What if filled my head.

I had to email my girl this morning to talk me down. Believing that you’re weak is debilitating. It does make you weak, but only in your mind. My first battle field is in my mind. I am determined to win the war against my own thoughts!

I cannot let my thoughts control me with fear. There are many other What if’s to ponder. What if I discover how strong I really am? What if I actually regain control of my weight & health? What if I become happier than I have been in a while? What if I regain my confidence? Wouldn’t that be something to see…

Advertisements

About Alejandra
I am a mother and wife. I work a regular 9-5. I love writing, whether if it's to vent, inspire or to just be creative. I can come from many different angles, but one thing is for sure. It's all me.

One Response to 24-22: the mind is a battle field

  1. Auris Montalvo says:

    Love,love,love the possitive what if’s, for me it was an eye opener!! What if I become stronger!!!!!!!!!!!!what if I regain control and like my new self!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow how amazing, I think I will put these what if’s as wall paper in my thought closet that way I can constantly read them!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: