21: working through the fear

I met with my trainer last night at the gym. I was pretty nervous, but she made me feel at ease and I survived the workout! So that’s one fear down! My trainer, Adrianne, and I had a great talk during and after the workout. I can’t stress enough how amazing it is knowing that you are never alone in anything. Many people are or have been where I am, at this moment. If other people have survived, so can I!

Everyday I notice weight lightening in my mind, and everyday I notice things that need to be confronted. I got over yesterday’s fear, but now I have a new fear.

On my way home from the gym I started thinking,”OMG! This is real. I can’t back out. I’m going to die.” Yes, this is all in my mind, but I’m battling myself back and forth. On one hand, I was happy with what I did last night. The workout was hard but not overwhelming. Yet, the next second I’m thinking, it’s going to get harder. This weight loss stuff  comes with a price. You are a wussy and you know it!

Lies aren’t always bold-faced. Sometimes, lies are disguised with just enough truth to make room for doubt. A lie, is a lie, is a lie… but I think these “doubt planters” are the worst. Mainly because you can reason your way in and out of things so easily. These are the lies that I know, for sure, are planted deepest in my psyche. They are the reasons I commit to the label of “Quitter”.

The saying is that when the going gets tough, the Tough get going. In my life it has been: When the going gets tough, get out! And I have paid many a consequence and loss of opportunities because of it. Now, putting the past behind me, I realize that I have an opportunity now to either: 1. Let fear take me over, yet again, and run away. Or, 2. Look straight down the barrel of the gun and face my fear.

I am a wuss. I am afraid of failure, big time. But we all know that without risk there can be no true reward. Bishop TD Jakes tweeted Proverbs 13:11 today. “Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase.” Basically, God loves work. He rewards a true effort. So, if I have a goal in mind, I need to get to work! Weight does not come off on its own.  I have to work.

I have to work.

I am a work in progress!


About Alejandra
I am a mother and wife. I work a regular 9-5. I love writing, whether if it's to vent, inspire or to just be creative. I can come from many different angles, but one thing is for sure. It's all me.

One Response to 21: working through the fear

  1. Auris Montalvo says:

    Love it! We are ALL a work in progress. There’s two sides to this fact. We can help advanced the work by cooperating or we can hinder it by making excuses, it really is up to us.

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