10: 4 miles & 2 pieces of pie

Eeek! That title makes me feel so embarrassed, but I can’t lie! All things considered, I think I did pretty well through this Thanksgiving weekend. Thanksgiving Day I went for a walk. I ate just what I said I was going to eat. I even had 1 piece of pie, no ice cream! Yesterday, which was the official day of eating left overs, I picked on turkey and a merlition stuffing my mom had made. I woke up this morning, had a cup of coffee and made my way to the park. Thanksgiving day I only walked 1 1/2 miles. I pulled a muscle in my upper thigh, so I couldn’t continue. Today I pushed myself the full 4 miles I’m supposed to be doing. My shins are a little sore now. I’m going to give them a break tomorrow by working out at home with a circuit workout I printed out from http://www.fitsugar.com

Anyway… Like I was saying…I got my work out in this morning. When I got back home I had a very filling breakfast. The family and I went to the mall for a bit, and I had a chargrilled chicken sandwich from Chick-Fil-A, no fries, side salad please! I kept the wellness momentum going at dinner with a big salad, cauliflower and turkey. But then I looked into the frig and saw the yummy, home-made, Paula Dean pumpkin pie. A tiny piece wont hurt. So I served myself a sliver and a small scoop of Blue Bunny Vanilla ice cream. No guilt! However…it dawned on me, on the way to throw away my paper plate, that I didn’t have a piece of apple pie! I had to have a piece of¬† apple pie! And ice cream!! So I did. I didn’t have a very big piece, but this time I did feel bad. I still feel bad, but not from guilt, from belly ache. ūüė¶ Booo…

Ah, the sugar temptation bested me this evening! Yet, I will not be ultimately defeated! Tomorrow is another day to say no to pie, and to work by butt off toward that size 14!

Say it loud! NO PIE ALLOWED!

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7: mission lbd-s14

*queue Mission Impossible theme music*

I have chosen to embark on a mission, within my already (second round) 40 day mission of weight loss¬†and God searching, to be a size 14 by December¬†26th. How did all this come about? Well, since you asked…From the very beginning of this blog I knew that all I wanted to do was to lose weight. However only having a broad goal in mind, I didn’t have anything to really focus my energy in to. Last night it dawned on me. I excitedly grabbed my phone and texted my trainer, Adrianne. I proceeded to inform her that my aunt and uncle would be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary on December 26th. Then I asked, “Could I be a size 16 by then?” I’m a size 18 at the moment. She answered me with a question, “Why not a fourteen (14)?”

I shared this with my girl, and even asked the question… Why not? I have to be pretty hard-core¬†for the next month; bumping up my cardio and avoiding all white carbs (white rice, bread, potatoes). The food doesn’t scare me as much as the increase in exercise. :-s¬†I have to bump up my walk/jog to 4 miles with in an hour. I have only just bumped it up to 3 miles, have only done it twice, and have completed it in 70 minutes. Adrianne believes in me. Sean believes in me. Anamaris believes in me. I am well on my way…

I asked Anamaris for her thoughts. Her thoughts? “GO FOR IT!!!! Even if you miss it, girl…take the risk. Shoot at it! You may surprise yourself!” I love her wisdom and support. So I say, I accept! I have been working over a month now to dispel my fears, especially my fear of failing. But I’m not going to set myself up for failure this time! The risk is so worth it! If I put in the work, even if I don’t reach a size 14, I’ll look good no matter what! What do I have to lose? Nothing but my fears!

Mission LBD-S14, is a-go!

5: it was a good day

After a busy weekend, Monday was almost welcomed. I was really waiting to see how my morning routine was going to translate here in Belle Chasse. I woke up around 5:30am, read my Bible and prayed. At 6am, I started getting ready for work. I had enough time to have a relaxing cup of coffee, get my lunch ready, even put on makeup before I walked out the door! ūüôā

Needless to say, I felt real good this morning. Even though I had a bad food weekend, I was able to bounce back with no problem. I was ready to eat clean, I was prepared and I even was looking forward to getting to the park to work out. I did my 3 miles this evening. My trainer upped my mileage¬†(I always stalled at 2 miles because I was scared. lol). She also instructed me to walk for 4 minutes and jog/run for 1 minute. Unfortunately, because I am so heavy right now it takes me walking 1 mile just warm up and stretch out the tendons in my knee. I don’t want to risk a set back because of an injury. So I just got to do what I got to do. I can’t jog too much just yet. It took me about 70 minutes to do the 3 miles,¬†and I jogged 7 minutes of it. (NOT consecutively. I would die right now. lol)

Last week I struggled with the 3 miles and didn’t get my second wind till the end of the last lap. I definitely felt the burn and sweat quick today. It felt so good knowing that my body was warming up and burning up calories! I also upped my modified push ups from 10 to 15. I would like to see myself doing 20-25 push ups by Christmas.

I accomplished so many of my goals today, and it makes me feel like reaching higher tomorrow! God is opening my eyes to a lot of things; not only in His Word, but also about myself. He’s helping me connect everything about my life with Him, and that makes me feel less lost than I was feeling before. I pray that He keeps making me feel complete. As much as I want to lose weight and regain my self esteem, I don’t want to even believe that I can only feel complete in myself. I’m still trying to place everything in my “God box” than keeping Him separate from everything else…I’m praying for wisdom and more desire for Him.

4: finally getting a move on getting things done

It has been a busy weekend. Sean and I moved our bed, clothes and bathroom stuff over to his grandmother’s house. We spent our first night last night. My babygirl¬†was so excited she didn’t know what to do with herself. It makes me so happy to see how complete she feels with us around. Sean wondered for a minute (before the move) if Andrea would really be excited, but I told¬† him that Andrea thrives having all of her family surrounding her. She loves being with us all, and now we’re going to be together all the time! Wonder how fast it will take for the excitement to wear off! (lol)

Other than it being a successful move, so far (still have a few things over at my mom’s), it has been a pretty unsuccessful healthy weekend. I feel pretty bad for letting myself go because it only takes a few days to ruin weeks worth of work, but sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches of the day. I have to laugh at myself for that thought. It is such a horrible excuse for making bad decisions. Last night I read a quote on Facebook that really stuck in my brain. “You can’t make the same mistake twice, the second time around it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice.”

For instance, yesterday for lunch we had Taco Bell. I had a XXL Grilled stuffed burrito¬†(which killed my tummy later) and two of the greasiest¬†hard tacos I had ever seen in my life, even for Taco Bell. Then for dinner the whole family went down to Ruby Red’s for dinner. I had a steak¬†burger (6 oz) and fries, which I didn’t eat all of because I started getting a migraine…probably triggered by the Taco Bell. I get one, 1, O-N-E, cheat meal a weekend..and so far I have had 3! Three! It’s not funny, but I really do have to laugh at myself. Old habits die hard, yet eventually they have to die. I have to keep reminding myself that I always have a choice, and I can’t complain if I am at fault for the results.

Tomorrow starts a new week. A new week to eat right, exercise and to finally buckle down on my relationship with God. I told you that I have to schedule everything, and that relationships take effort and time. I want to take advantage of an early morning devotional and prayer time. Honestly, if I don’t do it first thing in the morning, it will never get done. Too many distractions through out the day to think that I can squeeze time for prayer and Bible reading. Besides, I want God to have my full attention. I don’t want to have to keep looking at my cell phone clock, hoping that no one is looking for me or waiting for me. I want stillness, quiet and God. I haven’t really looked forward to those things in a while. So it will be beautifully interesting to see¬†how it all goes down.

 

move ’em out!

My family and I have been living at my mom’s house for a little over a year now. Tomorrow we’re moving back to where we came from. We moved out of our comfort zone to help my mom out with a few things, and it definitely shook my little world up! I learned many things about patience, holding my tongue, speaking up and what real love is. When we moved in with my mom, I wasn’t sure how long we would be living with her. I thought I was prepared to be here for the long haul, but it only took a few weeks to make we want to run out screaming. God is funny on how He wants to teach us lessons at times. And some times, I don’t find Him to be that funny.

Though it seems to be an answer to many prayers whispered in frustration… the move is bitter-sweet. I love my mom, and I don’t want to leave her alone. She is well capable of taking care of herself, but it felt nice knowing that we were here and we could take control of certain matters for her. Yet, somethings aren’t meant to be forever and when my little one started school, it just became too difficult for us. Right now, we’re in St. Rose. I work and Andrea goes to school in Belle Chasse; a good 45 minute to an hour drive depending on traffic. My husband’s family, thankfully, lives in BC and takes care of Andrea for me whiles she’s out of school. Actually, for the past 4 months she hasn’t even been coming home! She’s been staying at her grandma’s house. that’s where we’re moving to tomorrow.

It will be nice to get our routine back. It will be nice not to run around all across the greater New Orleans area every single day. But now a new adventure begins. Sean lived with his mother-in-law, and now I have to live with my mother-in-law and Grandma in law (lol). It will be interesting to say the least. I know God has new things to teach me. I’m wincing in anticipation. :-p I love my in-laws. Sean’s family is loud, all up in your business, have opinions about every single thing you do, but they are so full of generosity and love.

So, bring on the adventure! I think I’m ready….I think.

1: me, myself and Christ

Finishing up my last 40 days of change, has me doing another 40 days! This time, along with continuing my weight loss journey, I will be working on my relationship with God. Remember that we are body, mind and spirit. All of these should be connected and on the same page. When they’re not, the whole system is out of sorts. God is always first, but He knows how important our minds and bodies are. He created them! The crux is putting complete trust in His hands to connect them all. In the first 40 days, I was unearthing a lot of lies that held me back from really getting off my butt and moving it! Now I have to find the lies that keep me from really relying on my Savior, Jesus.

A few weeks ago I wrote about quitting vs conviction, and what was really pushing me to quit all the time was the fear of sticking to my guns. It is the same with God. I love God because He truly loves me. Don’t ask me why, but He loves me. He of all people, deserves my love (and then some) in return. My love is weak, but totally real. It lacks the fiery zeal to pursue the knowledge of Christ with my whole heart. I yearn to remedy that.

As with weight loss, it requires planning and following through. Salvation is free, but a relationship costs. It costs because it requires effort, time and faith. All relationships require this, so a relationship with Jesus is no different. And that’s where I find my first lie!

I love to put God in a box separated from all other things in life. I always forget that He created me and because of Him, I live and move and breathe! I am at His mercy to function everyday of my life! How can I keep¬†Him here and everything else………………………………………………….way over here? Doesn’t make any sense to me, and yet, I continually keep Him at arms reach for everything else in my life. I know it’s out of fear that I keep God at bay. Conviction is sacrifice. It is painful. It can be lonely…….and I don’t want any of those things. But I can’t be a size 8 or close to the heart of God without ANY of it!

The One who wants me to be healthy and happy, is the same One that longs for my every affection. He’s so gracious to help me get up and exercise… I have to repent for being so selfish and arrogant. God is beyond worthy of¬†my time. He created time for crying out loud! So, an adjacent journey begins. Continuing with my healthy life style and a search for a godly one, as well.

2-1: not the end but just beginning

Forty days are over, and I’ve come along way since October 7th. This mile stone is pretty bitter-sweet¬†for me, right now. I’m so proud of how far I have come, so far, but I woke up this morning feeling so blah. I feel heavy today, and when I feel heavy I get so down. This feeling reminds me that I still have a long way to go. I’ve had a good jump-start on my journey, but it’s far from over.

Obviously, I’m still discovering things and re-exploring things, but I can honestly say I am not¬†the same person I was, at the beginning of these 40 days! That makes me feel great! I know that I can lose weight. I can eat right. I can be a self-motivator. Aaaand! I can ask for help, on those days that I can’t motivate myself. It’s all about changing your perspective. Even when things look as negative as can be, there is always something good to keep you going. You have to find what is good for you. Don’t let negativity bring you down. Those are lies, and they will bind you!

Anyway, this is not the end for me… My journey will continue and hopefully by the end of another 40 days I’ll be even hotter and wiser! (Hehe!)

Soooo, let’s see how far I’ve come so far…

11/16/11 end of first 40 days

10/7/11 beginning of my journey

5-3: linking body and spirit

I could have never imagined myself as someone who could be truly in tune with their emotions and mental status. I hate confrontation, and I have learned that I have even hated confronting myself. I didn’t want to be at odds with myself over anything, but the truth is that many of my underlined issues would always hold me back, if not addressed.

I will continue to remind myself that this is a process. Life is a journey, and it will go one with or without your consent. Your choice is to either become stagnant or to move with or against the flow, at any given time. Inaction is the worst reaction. Shutting down is no way to handle a problem. I had shut down for a long time, and finding the “on” switch, to many issues, has been tough. I’m still scrambling around in the dark with a few. However, I am learning that faith without works is not faith at all. Work and faith go hand in hand, and we must be willing to remove the fear and unmask the lies that keep us from moving forward.

I know that I was made to live a life fulfilled, a life of abundance..a life filled with Life! And not every day is great, but not every day is horrible…and when there are too many horrible days, I want to stay focused and know that everything must come to an end!

I don’t say it enough, that God is my complete and utter strength. I don’t give Him enough recognition or credit. That hurts my heart because I know that without God, I am nothing. I live and move and breathe through Him, and when I’m on the floor panting for air and dying to get the work out over with, He does give me the strength not to quit!

I don’t have everything in my life figured out, and I still have problems when it comes to balance. I’m hoping that once these 40 days of health have passed, I can concentrate on a deep relationship with my Savior. The cross wasn’t just to atone for sin, but to give hope that He does care about every weakness that haunts us. I know that I can freely rejoice in my accomplishments so far! But there are greater issues at hand that will need my attention.

I’ve learned to love exercise, and have rewired my brain to eat healthy…now it’s time to turn to spiritual muscles. A journey in weight-loss isn’t just about shedding pounds or building muscle, but also includes connecting ever aspect of our being. We are mind, soul and spirit, and if any one of them¬†is unhealthy the others will suffer sickness as well. My battle has not just been against fat, but against lies that I have believed in my soul. I gotta put on the whole armour of Christ..

I¬†know that this could be so confusing for any one that is reading this..but trust me..your heart and spirit are important to God as much as your body! He created you, and knows your inner workings better than you do! Learn to trust yourself…Learn to trust God! It all links up!

 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.- 1 Peter 5:6-7

7-6: rewiring my brain has paid off

I’m riding high on my workout addiction. I haven’t been working out at a gym because I have no membership and also because my trainer and I haven’t been able to get our schedules in sync. However, that hasn’t stopped me from working out on my own. Adrianne provides me with routines to do at home when we can’t meet, and they are killers! I love them! It takes me a bit to get motivated at home I must say.¬†There are so many distractions at home: TV, computer, sofas, comfy bed! My husband has been good about giving me grief if I take too long to get started…love him for that! Once I get moving though, I just want to do my best to make Sean, Adrianne and myself proud!

Sean and I laugh because I make some crazy sounds while I’m working out at home. I wont use his colorful description, but I do a lot of grunting and moaning just to get through the pain. My knees have been bothering me this week, so jumping jacks, even lunges have been a no-go. Oddly enough, I can do squats….so my butt¬†has definitely gotten its fair share of attention!

Last night, I made up my own routine using exercises that Adrianne had already provided. I put on my Pitbull¬†radio station on Pandora and killed it! I can’t stop using that phrase:¬†I’m killin’ it! Gonna kill it! Holla¬†at ya girl for killin tonight’s work out! Haha! It may be a tab bit annoying, but I’m so happy that I don’t care! I’m working hard and my body is dramatically showing the work that I have put in to it! So yeah…I’M KILLIN’ IT SUCKAS! ūüėÄ

I must admit, fear started to settle in again last night, after I finished working out. I told my husband that I’m scared this feeling may go away. I’m so happy, and I’m getting better and better…I just don’t want to deceive myself in to getting comfortable. I have been working hard on rewiring my brain with food and exercise. My body and brain have responded well, without too much resistance. But I know that it’ll just take 2 or 3 days of slipping in to old habits to ruin everything!

I know that I can’t be excited all the time to work out. Am I strong enough to keep myself motivated? Maybe the key is to just keep moving, no matter where or how long. I won’t always be able to go to the gym. It may be too hot or too cold to go to the park or walk around the neighborhood. So, I’ll lock myself in the room, put on some music and just move my body like a lunatic! Any way to burn calories counts! So just keep moving! I gotta keep on moving, and not let doubt occupy space in my mind! I can keep on doing it! I’m doing it ALREADY! I am not going to let this rewiring go to waste..or waist! ūüėČ

9-8: i work out

I think I am becoming addicted to working out. There are worst things to be addicted too, I guess. Today is supposed to be my rest day. I worked it hard Monday and yesterday, and it’s good to give your body a good rest. The last thing I want is to wear myself out or get injured. However, I literally have the addict twitch just thinking about getting a workout in tonight.

I go in to my workouts with a bit of trepidation, wondering, “Am I going to be able to finish?” It took me a while to get started on my routine on Monday night. Yesterday I had to walk 3 miles, and I felt a huge mental block on the first mile. I guess I’m growing because those mental and emotional walls have always kept me back, in the past. I have slowly rewired my brain in to thinking that this journey is important. It cannot be left undone and abandoned.

Now I just have to coax my body and mind to rest. Tomorrow is another day, and I’ll work out then. And if I am really “jonesing” that much, I’ll take a walk around the block. If the body wants to move, let it move. Not everyday has to be a¬†killer. Work on! ¬†

I'm more like an "at home" gym rat. LOL