15: finding idols and resurrecting priorities

I wrote once (in another blog) about seasons in life being like a pendulum. Sometimes you’re swinging high, and sometimes you’re swinging low. You never know how long you’re going to be in a particular season or situation, good or bad. Life is a scary thing to live out when you have so many uncertainties. Life itself is a huge uncertainty, actually. I think the best word to use is “questions”. Life is a scary thing to live out when you have so many questions.
On my personal journey, I have constantly battled questioning my priorities and finding balance between them. My eternal question is, “How do you prioritize, when everything is important?” Kids, marriage, work, health, God…whatever it may be, life is a juggling act! Where do you start?
It’s a tier. For me, I know that God, ultimately, is first because through His mercy He trickles His kindness and grace down to everything else that is important to me. Sean is the love of my life, and the first person in my circle of influence. Andrea, my baby, who needs so much tender guidance and discipline. Work, because I have to help take care of my family. My health. I can’t do anything if I’m dead! What’s your list look like?
I can’t say for sure that I practice what I preach, in that order. I know for sure that I don’t because the art of balance is something I struggle with. Remember about my boxes? The “Real Life Box” and the “God Box”. Balance is about compartmentalizing. You should have all your ducks in a row, so to speak. However, I struggle with adding God to the mix of everything. After thought and a short prayer, God showed me the strong hold. I don’t care about Him. I only care about myself.
It was a shot to the heart! It is totally true. Spiritually, I am on a broad road looking for just enough God to push me through. Yet, I don’t live for Him. I live for Alejandra. My reluctant attitude toward devotion, prayer and church is only because I’m looking for the wrong thing. I haven’t been looking for God. I confess it because I know I can’t hide it for much longer. My heart is sick, my spirit is weak, and my flesh prevails! I need God’s love. I have been too busy looking for everyone else’s.
I have spent a long time, honestly depressed, feeling like I had no friends. God, I realize now, has been testing my heart. I find my value in my friendships. I find security and refuge in them, but they have become my idols. God has brought me to a big desert trying to whisper to me His love (Hosea 2), but I haven’t been wanting to listen. I have been trying to rationalize my existence. “God you created humans for relationship. Why have you taken my friends away?” But the true relationship we were created for is the one with our Creator. Friends are just a bonus!
Writing this makes my heart ache and makes me hopeful at the same time. Maybe it’s not too late to resurrect my true priorities! Nothing in this life matters without you, Jesus, and I fear my love growing cold! Help me find you in everything. Help me to seek you only. Help me find balance between the mundane and the supernatural. Amen

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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About Alejandra
I am a mother and wife. I work a regular 9-5. I love writing, whether if it's to vent, inspire or to just be creative. I can come from many different angles, but one thing is for sure. It's all me.

One Response to 15: finding idols and resurrecting priorities

  1. Adrianne "the trainer" says:

    You stated this yesterday…Kids, marriage, work, health, God…whatever it may be, life is a juggling act! Where do you start?

    Remember this without health you DO NOT have children, a healthy marriage, or work….you may have God.

    let me explain. My mother was extremly unhealthy. We lost her at a young age of 56. DO NOT leave your children in the pain she left us in. ENOUGH SAID>
    Your beloved trainer, Adrianne

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