“almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades” OR “trying to keep a positve outlook”

I am the smallest and lightest I have been, in maybe 6 years. I was a size 18 for, at least, 5 years. I am now a comfortable size 16, and I am a Large in most shirts now. It is a good feeling. I love not feeling heavy. I love having more choices in clothes. I love feeling more confident and stronger.

And yet…..

I am upset that I haven’t broken through 200 pounds yet. I am upset that I keep bouncing between 201 and 203. I am upset that stupid brick wall of a plateau has built up. Yes, maybe I am stressing over it too much. Yes, I know that stress hormones keep weight on your body. I know. I know. But I am tired of being in the 200’s.

And now, as I am writing this it is dawning on me that I am no longer clinically obese. Woah! I am no longer obese. *palmface* How amazing is that?

So, the issue at hand is: where do you cross the line between motivation and obsession (which in turn turns into anxiety)? When is almost reaching a goal ok? It is easy to overlook small achievements, and weight loss journeys are a constant roller coaster of emotions. Keeping focused and in tune with reality is a must. Looking back, as much as looking forward, is a must.

I have come a long way in 6 months. Why would I take that away from myself? Over 20 pounds lost, stronger, faster, smaller, healthier…”Almost” is looking alright..

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the weekend so far

I went to my WW’s meeting on Thursday. I weighed in, and accomplished to lose 3 pounds last week. My body is finally adjusting to the new diet, but now that I’m working out again, like crazy, I am hungry all the time. I’m glad that Weight Watchers is so flexible. On top of my 32 daily points, I can eat from my 49 weekly allowance points or my activity points. I rack up so many activity points, though, that I never really have a chance to dip into that supply. It’s all good though. I would prefer to keep from burning through all my points.

Friday, I took off from work to go on a class field trip with my baby girl. They went bowling and for lunch we went to the park and hung out under a huge oak tree. It was a gorgeous day! The downside was by the time I got home I had to go into a Benadryl induced coma. My allergies can’t take all that pollen any more. 😦 I took a nap when I got home (from about 2:30-4pm), and then knocked out for the night at 8:30pm. I wasn’t sure if I would make it out of bed this morning, but 7am rolled around and I was ready for my morning workout at the gym. I concentrated on cardio this morning, and I worked out on the treadmill for 55 minutes. I jogged for 10 minutes (not consecutively!) this morning and bumped up my mph’s for the walking. I love the feeling you get when you can almost feel the fat melting off your body. “You gotta sweat it, to get it!” is my mantra right now…and, boy, did I sweat!

 

After my workout, I came home to eat my breakfast and got ready to take my baby girl to a birthday party. I can’t wait till school is over so we can catch a break from party mania. Today’s birthday party was at City Park in the Carousel Gardens. My kid loves the carousel. She could go round and round all day long! Thankfully, she didn’t. Once again, my allergies wanted to knock me out. However, this time, instead of taking 2 tsp of Benadryl, I only took one. Otherwise, I would be knocked out in my bed right now!

Anyway…what I really want to say is that I’m feeling good. I’m eating healthier than ever. And even though I still have ways to go, I’m lighter right now than I’ve been in a long time. I am enjoying where I am. Not planning on staying here very long, but I’m taking the time to just take it in.

enjoying the train ride and the weight loss ride.

accountability… to yourself

What a novel concept, right? I admit that I am the first to laugh at the very thought of holding myself accountable to anything. Yet, it must happen. I know that I need to be held accountable in weight loss (and other things). That’s one of the reasons why I blog. I know that many could care less about what’s going on with me, but blogging helps me to check in (and hopefully encourage others).

Now, accountability partners are great! Find yourself a friend, your boy/girlfriend, or spouse to workout with. Maybe you need to get yourself a personal trainer. Having outside accountability is awesome support, but what about personal accountability? Accountability partners are great to start off with, but they wont be around all the time. And trust me, you can find a way to lie to them. This is why personal accountability is so important to master. You only hurt yourself with lies and excuses.

Learn to push yourself through your workouts without any one watching. Learn to make the right food choices on your own without any one nagging you to eat better. It’s gratifying to know that you’re making good decisions on your own. You reap the benefits of your choices, no one else. Knowing that you’re pushing yourself to be the best you can be will make you feel stronger and more confident. These feelings are important to me because when I feel strong and confident, I can embrace myself fully. Plus, it makes me feel thinner! So it’s win-win all around!

Don’t make any more excuses. Be honest with yourself and PUSH HARDER!

sushi treat

Enjoying a lunch by myself of delicious sushi. Like anyone, when I first ate sushi I was scared and didn’t know what to expect. However, I was surprised and fell in major love with the delicacy.

Obviously, sushi is a healthy food choice on a diet. Of course, this is also avoiding fried, “crunchy”, mayo and cream cheese. I was afraid that maybe the rice would make it high in points, now that I’m on Weight Watchers. But thankfully my sushi faves (rainbow roll, salmon and avocado) are safe and decent on points! Remember that everything is in moderation, of course. Eating too much fish isn’t recommend. Also, sushi can get pretty expensive, fast!

I’ve been pretty happy so far on the PointsPlus plan. I was in great need of a change in diet. Like I say often, find those little things to keep you motivated. Weight Watchers has begun to help me, and now sushi is helping me stay motivated and satisfied! It sounds silly, but I’m trying to use it as a reward (or treat) for having a good week. So I work hard to earn it. Many fitness people say not to reward yourself with food, but I think it’s about finding the right reward and the correct intention. I may be rewarding myself with food, but it’s a healthy choice. The decision makes me feel good inside and out, and that connection is vital, when it comes to healthy living.

I hope you’ve had a good week! I’ll probably blog again this weekend and let you know how my 1st (ever) WW meeting went. Till then..

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pros and cons

It’s Hump Day, on the second week of Weight Watchers. I’m so hungry. Counting points is so different from counting calories. I know I’m not starving myself, I just feel like I’m eating so little. Honestly, if I ate a little more at lunch, I probably wouldn’t be so hungry the second half of the work day.

I’m afraid to buy too much fruits and veggies. You know… you buy with good intentions, and then you end up eating nothing you bought. Thankfully, I’ve been sticking with the plan..for the most part.

I’ll confess! I have been cheating..some what… I make sure that I eat all my points. I make sure that I make healthy choices. But I’m hungry!!! So, I eat! I have learned that when you’re hungry, you eat. So I do. I maybe using up my weekly allowance points, but I really don’t care. I don’t like to feel hungry, and I won’t let myself be hungry.
(Let me be clear, I eat fruit @ night and drink plenty of water. NOT binge eating)

My husband had some insight into my predicament. When I first started losing weight, my weight loss was mostly being fueled by exercise (though of course I was eating less and healthier). Now, on WW, my weight loss is being fueled by eating less (not below 1200 calories), but still making sure I exercise regularly.

The pros are there. Weight Watchers is working. But the cons of a new “diet” are hard to adjust to. Yes, I know that I still need to do a lot of personal tweaking to ensure I’m not so hungry. But in the mean time, I’m really not going to stress about it.

I’m off to the gym now..just to make sure I keep myself occupied between homework time and dinner time. I’ll get the hang of this sooner or later.

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the weight watchers beginnings

Day 3 on Weight Watchers. First day was a points blow out! Not because I ate horrible things, but because the point system is much different from just counting calories (which I’m use to). I had to learn quickly to stretch my snacks throughout the day. I was starving Monday night. Stuffed myself with chips and salsa. Yesterday, I did much better with spreading my snacks around and eating more fruits and veggies. However, I didn’t plan well for dinner and when I got to my mom’s house that evening, I was so hungry! I had 2 tacos (ground meat and cheese, 2 mini taco shells), and then two bowls of rice with meat and cheese. Not good.

Today, I can say I had an even better grasp with the food. Right now I’m feeling a twinge of hunger. I don’t like feeling hungry at home, in the evenings, because I don’t have things to distract me like work or workouts. One thing I am noticing with the new Points Plus system that Weight Watchers has, is that they’re really “forcing” you to eat more fruits and veggies to fill up (almost all fruits and veggies are zero points, it seems). Also, you can’t swap activity points like before. Now, you can only swap out activity points for food points until you run out of your extra weekly allowance points. No wonder people are losing more than ever on this plan! It’s completely geared to retrain your mind and body to eating right and exercising.

Speaking of exercising…I worked out today during my lunch hour for the first time, at the gym. I didn’t like feeling so rushed to change and eat my lunch (after my workout), but I did love the way I felt the rest of the work day. After doing home work with my baby girl, I changed into my workout gear again and did Jillian Michaels’ Yoga Melt Down. It was hard. It was awesome! I always start her videos scared because I know how tough she is, but I am always so proud to see how far I can go! What great motivation to see how strong you really are! By the end of the 30 minute DVD, I was drenched in sweat and even had that urge to puke a little. LOL  I did not puke…Thank God!

That’s my recap for the mid-week. I can feel the little wave of motivation. I like it. Pushing your mind and body is an amazing feat! And it’s definitely worth relishing and celebrating.

**I’m brand new to the Weight Watchers Points Plus Plan..so if you have any suggestions or corrections, help a sista out!**

what a week

What a week indeed…I scratched off some things from my Fitness Wish List, learned that I love yoga, went on a mini-vacay, and had the longest Easter weekend ever!

So what did I scratch off my wish list? I bought a new yoga mat (never owned one before. love!), bought 2 yoga DVD’s (SHAPE vinyasa flow, and a Jillian Michaels yoga DVD). My husband bought me a new workout tee! It feels so good to get rid of the over-sized t-shirts. I  have been lacking a lot of motivation to workout, and the new gear is so energizing. I have to remind myself all the time to try to find little things to keep me going. The little things that keep you going can result in big things later!

I did yoga all last week. I love it! It can be so relaxing and calming, and then it can be so intense and heart pumping. I think I found my niche. I even did a 20 minute yoga routine while I was on my mini-vacation on the Gulf Coast!

It was a long holiday weekend with lots of food. I didn’t think I would eat so much for Easter, but I sure did. Started the week back at 208.8 again. Boo. But I joined Weight Watchers last night. Yay? Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited and need to try something new to get my eating under control. However, just in my first day I blew my points out of the water..and I didn’t even eat that much! I found myself so hungry earlier, that I scarfed down chips and salsa. Though I have my calorie count familiarized, the counting points has me reeling. Honestly, it’s just about eating more fruits and veggies for fillers. Which really is the best way to go.

I’ve been thinking about becoming a pescatarian, so maybe Weight Watchers can help me transition easier, since it seems that I have to find healthier choices to fill me up and not waste points!

Anyway..I’m a little upset right now because I wrote this long blog and my computer decided to erase it all. My apologies for rushing through this, but my bath and bed are calling. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on my Weight Watchers and yoga quest, later!

Mission 200

This Number is going to follow me wherever I go!

If you’ve been following me along, you know that I have been having some serious issues to stay motivated. I really fell off the health wagon hard, and it’s been real tough to get back on again. I’ve been dealing with my bouts of self-doubt and self-pity. Those are always so much fun. My weight has been fluctuating like crazy because of bloat, and my clothes are fitting tight, and I just do not want to go back to hating myself.

Yesterday, I took my daughter to a pool party. Thankfully, I did not have to get into the water. However, as I tried to pick out an ensemble, I stared blankly into my closet. Just a few weeks ago, I was going in there with confidence; now I am dismayed and heartbroken. Oh, how the mighty have fallen….

I confessed to my husband on Tuesday night, that I really just had no idea what my problem was. Why has getting down to 200 pounds been so difficult for me? Every time I have tried to lose weight, I get so close to 200 that I can practically reach out and touch it! Yet, when those last 4-6 pounds linger, something shifts in me. A wall goes up. And the pounds pack right back on. Maybe I just get too comfortable and lax. Maybe I get afraid.

I know that when I finally start getting some where, grasp a little confidence, that I go easy on myself. Let myself cheat here and there, till it’s practically all the time. I should know better, that when I get closer to the goal, that that’s the time to push harder! But I’m so afraid to fail. If you know me at all, you know that I’m a fatalist, and I really can’t stand that about myself. I see myself failing before I even try. It’s times like these that I know that I still have so far to go.

Well, as the saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” And step I shall. I am restarting my 40 days (today actually), and taking the first step toward 200 pounds. Mission 200.

A Fatalist is anyone who submits to the belief that they are powerless to change their destiny. Is this who I am? I don’t want to get preachy, but I don’t want to submit to some insidious belief that has me pegged as weak and out of control of my life. If I am weak, I can grow strong. It is my destiny. My life. My body. My health.

So cue the music…because it’s on!