Mission 200

This Number is going to follow me wherever I go!

If you’ve been following me along, you know that I have been having some serious issues to stay motivated. I really fell off the health wagon hard, and it’s been real tough to get back on again. I’ve been dealing with my bouts of self-doubt and self-pity. Those are always so much fun. My weight has been fluctuating like crazy because of bloat, and my clothes are fitting tight, and I just do not want to go back to hating myself.

Yesterday, I took my daughter to a pool party. Thankfully, I did not have to get into the water. However, as I tried to pick out an ensemble, I stared blankly into my closet. Just a few weeks ago, I was going in there with confidence; now I am dismayed and heartbroken. Oh, how the mighty have fallen….

I confessed to my husband on Tuesday night, that I really just had no idea what my problem was. Why has getting down to 200 pounds been so difficult for me? Every time I have tried to lose weight, I get so close to 200 that I can practically reach out and touch it! Yet, when those last 4-6 pounds linger, something shifts in me. A wall goes up. And the pounds pack right back on. Maybe I just get too comfortable and lax. Maybe I get afraid.

I know that when I finally start getting some where, grasp a little confidence, that I go easy on myself. Let myself cheat here and there, till it’s practically all the time. I should know better, that when I get closer to the goal, that that’s the time to push harder! But I’m so afraid to fail. If you know me at all, you know that I’m a fatalist, and I really can’t stand that about myself. I see myself failing before I even try. It’s times like these that I know that I still have so far to go.

Well, as the saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” And step I shall. I am restarting my 40 days (today actually), and taking the first step toward 200 pounds. Mission 200.

A Fatalist is anyone who submits to the belief that they are powerless to change their destiny. Is this who I am? I don’t want to get preachy, but I don’t want to submit to some insidious belief that has me pegged as weak and out of control of my life. If I am weak, I can grow strong. It is my destiny. My life. My body. My health.

So cue the music…because it’s on!


About Alejandra
I am a mother and wife. I work a regular 9-5. I love writing, whether if it's to vent, inspire or to just be creative. I can come from many different angles, but one thing is for sure. It's all me.

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