.6

This was before my daughter’s swim lesson today.

 

I told you that losing half a pound is a good week for me. Twenty-two days left, and 7.4 pounds to go! Too funny. Oh well, it is what it is. Honestly, with no excuses, I didn’t do what I wanted for the first week. I completely forgot that my baby girl was starting swim lessons last week, and I didn’t plan my workouts ahead of time. I ate fried seafood like crazy over the weekend. So yummy, but definitely NOT what you should be eating when you’re trying to lose 8 pounds in 30 days.

.6 lost

I’ll take it!

With that being said though…I’m not quite sure how much I actually weigh. I’m getting numbers from all kinds of places. My actual weigh in day is Sunday, but I weigh in on Thursday evenings at my Weight Watchers meeting. Everyone knows that you weigh more at the end of long day! So even though it may reflect a loss, I can’t go by that number because it’s showing me at my heaviest. I don’t think so. There are two scales in our bathroom. One is my mother in law’s, the other is mine. Her’s is old. Mine isn’t so old, but it’s definitely time for an upgrade. I have had to take the average weight after weighing myself on both. Her’s makes me 2 pounds lighter, mine makes me 2 pounds heavier…and that’s if you can get an “accurate” number without ERR popping up on the screen. It’s a pain in the butt.

I weigh myself any time I see a scale. The average number is 198, but it would be nice to step on the scale and know for sure that the number is correct. I’m trying not to obsess over a number. (Too late, huh?) However, like I told my dear husband, I’m trying to reach a weight goal, and it would go a lot smoother if I could get a concrete NUMBER.

….

I started challenging myself in my workout, well, it’s a challenge to me. :-p I’m trying to walk/jog 2 miles at or under 35 minutes. For me that’s fast, and I’ve been doing real well. The last 2 times I worked out, I’ve done it under 35 minutes. First time at 33 min and today at 32 minutes! If I can keep that time up for a while, maybe next week I’ll shave off a minute.

So here goes week two! Come on 1 pound loss! I’ll leave you with this lovely picture of me working out, outside.

Working out on the levee. Attractive, I know!

 

 

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time to focus, time to train

Okay, it’s “Eye of the tiger” time, people! I try to be goal motivated/oriented. I still have some time left in my 40 day round, however, I feel the need to stretch my mini goal a little further. This morning, when I woke up, I realized that my birthday is just around the corner. Thirty days, to be exact. And though I had a 7.5 lb. goal set for the end of the 40 days (June 19th), I haven’t been very focused on trying to reach that goal. I know that it’s time to kick it into high gear!

I discussed with my husband (some times it feels like a tribal council meeting) what would be a reasonable goal for me to set. So, I started wide and decided to narrow. Thirty days left till my birthday; 30 pounds in the 30 days? Extremely laughable. So, no. How about 15 pounds in 30 days? Still not possible and still a very unhealthy rate of weight loss for me. Next! Okay, 10 pounds in 30 days? Not bad, but at this point in the game, I have come to really know my body and the way it functions. I could not produce that number without some serious, serious help and time. Honestly, I know I’m still not that disciplined and I just want to live a normal life!!*sigh*

I got it! Eight (8) pounds in 30 days!

Okay, so 8 pounds isn’t much different from the 7.5 goal I had earlier. So, why didn’t I just stick with that number? Half a pound a week lost, is a great week for me. Rounding that 7.5 to 8 lbs is a challenge. Come on, 8 lbs. in 30 days, that’s 4 weeks. FOUR! That is 2 pounds a week. Ridiculous! So, yeah, I think I have my work cut out for me, people.

This is the plan: I have 30 days (4 weeks) to lose 8 lbs. by my birthday. To even come close to this, I must stay within my 30 daily Weight Watchers Point Plus Value. I cannot eat any junk food whatsoever, whether I have the points or not! I have to do cardio 5 times a week. I am going to be only drinking water, herbal tea and my 1 cup of morning coffee. No sodas, not even diet!…can’t handle the bloat. And even though I’m going to stay on top of my points, I will be challenging myself to eat 1 serving of fruit and/or vegetables at every meal. Fiber is your friend, people! ๐Ÿ˜‰

One thing is for sure, I have to push myself. Even if I don’t hit the 8 lb. mark, 5 will get me into a size 16 jeans, with room to spare! But you never know what you’re capable of until you try. What do I have to lose by trying, other than weight and inches?

It’s gonna be a long 30 days.

another reflective & random thought

It has been a long weekend. I took a vacation day on Friday because my little one graduated from Kindergarten. Ugh. My baby (forever) is no longer a baby. I criedย  a few times thinking about how much she’s grown already and how life just seems to whiz by. It makes me feel sad. It makes me feel excited for the future. It makes me feel, well, Old! But whatevs. My babygirl is now enjoying her summer vacation and is well on her way to college!

The more I think about her life passing before my eyes, the more it stresses within me to be a better example of a woman to her. I want her to see in me a healthy, energetic, smart, sane (as long as she let’s me be), and spiritually grounded person. It’s a hard task. By no means do I ever have a perfect day at any of these qualities I yearn to poses. However, as I teach her, I learn that you take every situation as it comes to you. Honestly, that’s what I want her to grasp. Life happens. It doesn’t ask for permission. So you have to take everything it throws at you with grace, humility and mercy (for yourself, and if you can muster it, for others as well).

I think that’s why this “dieting thing” has stuck as long as it has. I have learned to master, for the most part, self mercy. It goes a long way. Trust me. When you learn to have mercy on yourself, you can repent faster. When you learn to have mercy on yourself, you can start over again the very next meal. When you have mercy on yourself, you can see why it’s so important to pass it on to others.

…….

Thanks to that lesson learned, I am now down to 197.5 pounds. I’m hoping to be at 195 by the end of next week. I just have to survive another 3 day weekend. I am not yet prepared mentally to handle so much time at home, surrounded by all kinds of food, without having any activities planned. I told you the other day that I have a problem staying out of the kitchen when I’m bored….so I’m going to have to devise a plan this week before Memorial Day weekend catches me off guard! Any ideas?

 

trigger eating

Emotional eating, stress eating, eating ’cause you’re bored… We all eat for a reason. These reasons are some times called triggers. What propels you to eat things that you shouldn’t? What propels you to eat just to eat? Technically, all the reasons I listed are considered emotional eating. The emotion that triggers me is Boredom.

Boredom is an emotional state experienced when an individual is left without anything in particular to do, and is not interested in their surroundings. Thanks, Wikipedia!

I get snack-y (as I like to say) when I have nothing to do. If it’s slow at work, I want to raid the kitchen. If it’s a lazy day at home, I’m searching out pantries, freezers and cookie jars. I’m actually trying to keep the kitchen raid at bay, as I type. The day is dragging, our grocery shopping is done, watched a movie with the family…and now I’m watching the clock. There is nothing left to do really. I did a lap around the kitchen inspecting over-sized bags of chips, a cooking jar, and playing that weird game with the fridge. You know the game; when you open the door expecting something magical to happen. I open the door and stare hard into the fridge hoping to find something “satisfying” to eat. However, I’m not trying to satisfy hunger because I’m not hungry! I’m bored. So, so bored!

So I grabbed my Brita water bottle (maybe I’m just thirsty), and I plopped down in front of my lap top to share my predicament. It’s too hot outside right now to go for a walk on the levee, and I don’t have enough time to go to the gym before going to church with my family. I could use some motivation, right now, to keep my eye on the prize. How do you avoid emotional eating?

mommy reflection and a new goal

Today is Mother’s Day. I woke up this morning truly happy and truly humbled, at the very thought of knowing I am a mom. I am not at all a perfect mom, and some days I don’t even feel like a good mom. However, my baby girl has found it in her heart to love me incredibly and unconditionally! I must be doing something right!

I think what I love the most about being a mom, besides all the free kisses, are the times when I actually impart knowledge to my daughter. It is rewarding to answer questions and actually see understanding on her face. She is a big reason that I am striving to live a healthy life, a full life; because she is my life.

My daughter has never known me thin or even known me at a healthy weight. When I became pregnant for her, I was already 45 lbs. over weight. By the time she was a year old, I was in the 200’s. Now I’m 199. I don’t think she fully understands the magnitude of that. She sees me battle, she sees me win. Thankfully, to her, I’m just Mommy. And that’s who I want to continue to be. Losing weight is giving me more energy to do things with her. It is giving me extra time to be with her.

…….

I’ve maintained 199 lbs for a whole week! It’s a slipper slope, that number. You could go either way. So I’m ready now to keep breaking down the weight loss wall. I set myself a 7.5 pound weight loss goal for this 40 day round. I feel like it’s rather ambitious, but I think I can do it. I haven’t worked out in 2 weeks and was still able to lose 3 lbs. just dieting! I’m ready to crank it up. I said once I broke 200 I would begin working on changing my body composition again. Shooting to be in a size 14 by June 19th. My birthday is June 26th, so if I could be 190 by my 29th birthday I will celebrate BIG TIME! Wish me luck, okay! ‘Cause I’m going to need it!!!

turning my health journey into a spiritual journey (my battle with extremes)

**Just a little notice. This blog is long, and is preachy. So if it’s not your cup of tea, I wont be offended if you don’t read.**

Living a healthy life style is admirable. Losing weight can be inspirational. A journey of huge weight loss proportions is epic! It can be epic, and a little obsessive. I don’t know about you, but I struggle with extremes. Some thing becomes a super priority, and then everything else just falls by the wayside. I really don’t like that about myself. I know that it annoys the hell out of my husband. I just can’t help it! Or can I? …No, really. Can I?

I started this blog, not just because I was a miserable fat person, but because I was a person who struggled (and obviously still does) with extremes. I couldn’t just eat 1 cheese burger. I had to have 2 double cheeses burgers. It wasn’t enough that my body was telling me, “Stop eating you’re stuffed!” I was going to finish everything on plate, like it was my last meal. However, I wasn’t just dealing with food issues, I was dealing with spiritual issues too.

I am a born again Christian. I grew up in church, and when I was 11 years old, I got saved at a Vacation Bible School. I sang in church from age 11 till about 2 years ago. I was involved in youth group and the worship team. I love my church life, friends and family. I love God. That is a big part of who I am. Some where down the line though, I just stopped caring. I lost my identity. I have been feeling lost for a good while now. Now, not to get into a long testimonial, but I need to get right. If you read any of my earlier posts, I believe that they were deeply emotional and spiritual. I cannot separate those parts of me. My health issues where very much connected with my spiritual issues.

I give a lot of credit to my husband for helping me out, in my weight loss journey. He’s been supportive. He’s been real with me about my food choices and image distortions. I give a lot of credit to my best friend. She has also been supportive; guiding me, cheering me on and even yelling at me. This journey would have been a lot harder without them. However, and yes I will testify, the person I hardly ever give credit to is my God. He has given me wisdom. He had to remove a lot fear and doubt out of my heart. He had to give me the ability to see myself in a true positive light. I know I could have never done this without Him.

And yet, I continually try to keep Him out of it….but only when I feel that I can do it on my own. Give me a day when I feel ugly, huge as a house and lost in this world, and I’m yelling out “Help me, Jesus! I can’t do this without you!”

Remember, I have an issue with extremes. When I started this journey I was pitiful, leaning on God’s shoulder for every answer. I started working out and my body started getting stronger….Maaaannn, I became so obsessed with myself, it ain’t even funny. And what honestly makes me so mad and confused is, how can you make a journey that is you-you-you, day in and day out, about anything else? I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying. Well, not all together…of course I have to pray when I need something. *-*

So, I had to do what I knew I had to do. Repent. I had to repent because I was so self-centered. I had to repent because I didn’t believe God could do anything for me. That is raw truth. I DID NOT BELIEVE HE COULD HELP ME AT ALL! Why would the God of the Universe worry about me trying to lose weight? What could the God of the Universe have to say about health? I had to laugh at myself for such statements. Then I had to repent after I read this: But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he(me)has done has been done through God.–John 3:21 NIV

I have not been living in God’s truth. I have not being doing this weight loss thing completely through Him. Yes, God worries about our bodies and our body image, because He loves us and sees us with much more compassionate eyes. God could give me more insight into how my body works because, uh duh, He created it! *sigh*

So, to make a long blog short (sorry about that!), my next forty day challenge will not only be to continue with the external, but also focus on the internal. I have a long way to go in reconciling my body with my heart, mind and spirit. I belong to Jesus. So He deserves my focus, and in turn, I know He will reward me with wisdom and time to keep up with my body.

There is a little fear that I’ll drop all my health plans to pursue religious emotions. I don’t need to eat healthy or exercise. Jesus is all I need. I’ve done it before. And to get preachy once more, you honestly can’t follow Christ halfheartedly. He is an “all or nothing” God. So I cannot be a “some of the time” believer. So, how can I help it? By living out the journey, one day at a time.

Oh, happy day! 199

Yesterday morning, I stepped on the scale, and to my ultimate surprise it finally read 199 pounds! One Hundred and Ninety-Nine pounds, people! This is an epic moment for me. I have been in the 200’s for at least the past 6 years. I have gotten close to breaking the 200’s and have never fully succeeded until now! It is mind-boggling to me. Almost like, I have no clue what to do with myself. So, in celebration of Me, I will go and buy a dress.

I really have to give major props to Weight Watchers. I joined on April 7th, and it has worked so well in helping me get out of that slump I fell into in February. I haven’t been working out so intensely, as before. When I joined WW’s, I told myself that I would just concentrate on just dropping actual pounds (as a posed to losing inches, like before), and then once I broke 200 pounds I would go back to working on changing my body composition (back to focusing on losing inches). I feel like now that I have taken down a piece of my weight loss wall, I can bulldozer the rest. Now it is time to set another weight loss goal. My birthday is coming up in June, and I would like to be 190 pounds by then. I’ll definitely settle for 195 and couple of shaved off inches, though. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I have learned to be more creative with my food, when cooking. That has been a huge help for me. I want to enjoy my food, healthy or not. I love to savor my food. Eating is a total experience of all my senses. So, if you’re like me, don’t settle for only eating frozen diet meals! I eat those to if I don’t have time or don’t feel like making anything. However, I wouldn’t have made it this far alone on that! It’s boring, and sometimes not very good food.

Commercial time: What I love about Weight Watchers (and you don’t have to do WW’s to do this) is that you can eat anything. ANYTHING. So you have to decide what is worth to you to spend your points on. Before WW’s I had to decide what was worth to spend my calories on. If you’re not enjoying the food, you wont enjoy the process, and you will quit. I have had to experiment to make meals matter to me, and I have loved them! Here are a few. I hope that these may give you a few ideas, and if you have any ideas, please send them my way!

This was my breakfast this morning. I like to “splurge” on the weekend because during the week I drink breakfast smoothies.
1 large brown egg whole & 1 egg white. 1 tbs fresh salsa, piece of toast with goat cheese (it’s my favorite cheese!). A cup of strawberries and black berries, 8 oz of fat-free chocolate milk, and a cup of coffee (that I can’t do without) with a splash of milk, no sugar.

An apple & a plain turkey sandwich. What made it special for me was a nice slice of yellow bell pepper, gave it a good crunch.

I used a Morning Star chicken patty, 1 oz. goat cheese, 1/4 oz of avocado, red bell pepper and some spring mix. Colorful and creamy!

My baby girl loves tacos. So I substituted the hard taco shell for lettuce. Saves on points and calories. 2 oz. lean ground beef, 1/4 cup fat-free re-fried beans, 1/2 tbs plain Greek yogurt, a pinch of fat-free cheddar, and a few dots of Habanero sauce!

 

 

Same concept as before, but this time with 2 oz. of shrimp, grilled.

 

 

“almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades” OR “trying to keep a positve outlook”

I am the smallest and lightest I have been, in maybe 6 years. I was a size 18 for, at least, 5 years. I am now a comfortable size 16, and I am a Large in most shirts now. It is a good feeling. I love not feeling heavy. I love having more choices in clothes. I love feeling more confident and stronger.

And yet…..

I am upset that I haven’t broken through 200 pounds yet. I am upset that I keep bouncing between 201 and 203. I am upset that stupid brick wall of a plateau has built up. Yes, maybe I am stressing over it too much. Yes, I know that stress hormones keep weight on your body. I know. I know. But I am tired of being in the 200’s.

And now, as I am writing this it is dawning on me that I am no longer clinically obese. Woah! I am no longer obese. *palmface* How amazing is that?

So, the issue at hand is: where do you cross the line between motivation and obsession (which in turn turns into anxiety)? When is almost reaching a goal ok? It is easy to overlook small achievements, and weight loss journeys are a constant roller coaster of emotions. Keeping focused and in tune with reality is a must. Looking back, as much as looking forward, is a must.

I have come a long way in 6 months. Why would I take that away from myself? Over 20 pounds lost, stronger, faster, smaller, healthier…”Almost” is looking alright..

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the weekend so far

I went to my WW’s meeting on Thursday. I weighed in, and accomplished to lose 3 pounds last week. My body is finally adjusting to the new diet, but now that I’m working out again, like crazy, I am hungry all the time. I’m glad that Weight Watchers is so flexible. On top of my 32 daily points, I can eat from my 49 weekly allowance points or my activity points. I rack up so many activity points, though, that I never really have a chance to dip into that supply. It’s all good though. I would prefer to keep from burning through all my points.

Friday, I took off from work to go on a class field trip with my baby girl. They went bowling and for lunch we went to the park and hung out under a huge oak tree. It was a gorgeous day! The downside was by the time I got home I had to go into a Benadryl induced coma. My allergies can’t take all that pollen any more. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I took a nap when I got home (from about 2:30-4pm), and then knocked out for the night at 8:30pm. I wasn’t sure if I would make it out of bed this morning, but 7am rolled around and I was ready for my morning workout at the gym. I concentrated on cardio this morning, and I worked out on the treadmill for 55 minutes. I jogged for 10 minutes (not consecutively!) this morning and bumped up my mph’s for the walking. I love the feeling you get when you can almost feel the fat melting off your body. “You gotta sweat it, to get it!” is my mantra right now…and, boy, did I sweat!

 

After my workout, I came home to eat my breakfast and got ready to take my baby girl to a birthday party. I can’t wait till school is over so we can catch a break from party mania. Today’s birthday party was at City Park in the Carousel Gardens. My kid loves the carousel. She could go round and round all day long! Thankfully, she didn’t. Once again, my allergies wanted to knock me out. However, this time, instead of taking 2 tsp of Benadryl, I only took one. Otherwise, I would be knocked out in my bed right now!

Anyway…what I really want to say is that I’m feeling good. I’m eating healthier than ever. And even though I still have ways to go, I’m lighter right now than I’ve been in a long time. I am enjoying where I am. Not planning on staying here very long, but I’m taking the time to just take it in.

enjoying the train ride and the weight loss ride.

accountability… to yourself

What a novel concept, right? I admit that I am the first to laugh at the very thought of holding myself accountable to anything. Yet, it must happen. I know that I need to be held accountable in weight loss (and other things). That’s one of the reasons why I blog. I know that many could care less about what’s going on with me, but blogging helps me to check in (and hopefully encourage others).

Now, accountability partners are great! Find yourself a friend, your boy/girlfriend, or spouse to workout with. Maybe you need to get yourself a personal trainer. Having outside accountability is awesome support, but what about personal accountability? Accountability partners are great to start off with, but they wont be around all the time. And trust me, you can find a way to lie to them. This is why personal accountability is so important to master. You only hurt yourself with lies and excuses.

Learn to push yourself through your workouts without any one watching. Learn to make the right food choices on your own without any one nagging you to eat better. It’s gratifying to know that you’re making good decisions on your own. You reap the benefits of your choices, no one else. Knowing that you’re pushing yourself to be the best you can be will make you feel stronger and more confident. These feelings are important to me because when I feel strong and confident, I can embrace myself fully. Plus, it makes me feel thinner! So it’s win-win all around!

Don’t make any more excuses. Be honest with yourself and PUSH HARDER!