augh! *sigh*

Ugh….I feel like Charlie Brown, so disgusted and frustrated. Is it just me? I mean, am I the only one that gets comfy and stops trying? What is that?!

Every 5 pounds lost is a battle to lose, and once it’s lost I have to wage another battle to get off my behind. I have to battle all my will. It is just so frustrating.

I have been at 195 for a while now, just kind of yo-yo-ing in fluctuation. I haven’t been working out, I don’t want to count Weight Watchers PPVs, I don’t feel like eating healthy. It’s a freakin’ war in my head right now between what I know I should be doing and what I feel like doing. Because honestly, I want to eat healthier and be fit…so what is that? What is going on?

It happens every time. I just can’t seem to convince myself fully to have faith in the process and have conviction to make the correct choices. All is not lost though I guess, if I still have a glimmer of desire to live a healthy life. I am not powerless, and I refuse to let myself fall into the lies of fatalism. I am not a fatalist! I have the tools. I have the knowledge. All I need now is the courage.

*sigh* Thanks for letting me get all that out there.

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when life gives me food, I eat it…and now to start over!

It has been a crazy 11 days.

Last Tuesday was my birthday (the 26th). I started celebrating on the 24th by going out to eat at this restaurant called The Velvet Cactus. It’s supposed to be Mexican, but it’s more of a Nola-Mex if you ask me. Food was decent, atmosphere real cool. Afterwards, we (husband, kid and friends) went down to:

The best Italian ice cream in New Orleans!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had the banana pudding gelato...Oh my word….’Nuff said.

Monday, I took off from work and a friend of mine took me out for lunch. I had shrimp quesadillas with a chipotle aioli. I ate it all up! Tuesday, a co-worker took me out for Mexican. Wednesday I chilled out and actually made it to the gym. Then Thursday I went out with some of my girls to The Rum House and had more awesome tacos, fried plantains and a beer. It was all so yummy.

Sunday afternoon, me and the family left for a little vacation station on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I feel like I haven’t stopped eating! It was all so good and yummy…but I think I’m actually growing tired of food, for now. I had started a new 40 day round last week, but looks like I’m going to have to reset my modem. My belly is feeling so yucky. My body feels sluggish. And on top of all that I have a cold. So I’m going to spend the next 4 days trying to cleanse my body a bit.

I need some apples. I need to make sure I drink plenty of water. Which reminds me that I need to pick up some Tazo Zen tea. My body and tummy perk up so much when I drink it. No crazy purges here, but I do need to “re-align” my stomach (and my schedule). I need to do a lot of tweaking to my food, exercise and personal schedule again. I feel like I’m always telling myself this, but if I don’t make lists, plans and memos, I’ll never get things done. Time to get things back on track!

 

 

Life in 40 days, Part 1

Yesterday marked the end of Another 40 Days. These 40 day intervals are really working for me. For this post, I had the bright idea of posting pictures that I’ve randomly taken over the last 4o days. This way I don’t have to work too hard in trying to find motivation things to say. (Can you say, Lazy! hehehe) I am pretty sure that by this point in my journey, I can say Officially that this now my life style. I am choosing a resurrected life, in more ways than one! So here is a small view of what my life has been like the past month and a half! Enjoy!

1st day of this past 40 day round.

Going to work, feeling confident!

Strong enough to fight off this temptation! Honestly, who would eat something like this? lol

Enjoying a good workout outside before it gets too hot! I love this view.

Treats! And what a wonderful treat. My knees can actually support me in heels and platforms!! Relish the seemingly little things. They’re not so little!

Feeling tiny and looking it too! šŸ™‚

I like to call them Shrimp Gondolas! Yummy, healthy food that helps make the journey a lot easier.

More treats! After a good workout: protein shake, shoes off, QUIET and a good book.

Finished product for this round. After 40 days I’m 4.5 pounds lighter! Yay Me! šŸ™‚

mad crazy

It has been a crazy week for me, mad crazy week.

First off, I would love to report a 3 pound weight loss for this week! Talk about insanity! I, who can barely lose a pound on a good week, lost 3 pounds! I must say though, that it wasn’t without effort. I have been working out hard. I’ve been pushing myself on my walk/jogs on the treadmill or when I work out on the levee. I have been trying to walk 2 miles at or under 35 minutes. Plus, last Friday I not only did my 2 miles on the treadmill, I also did 3 miles in 20 minutes on the stationary bike, then came home and did 25 minutes of yoga! I may try make that a Friday ritual. I really enjoyed it.

Food-wise, I really haven’t been doing anything different. I’m still on Weight Watchers, so I keep track of my points or I do the Simply Full method. Simply Full is when you don’t necessarily keep track of points, but do eat as much food off the “power foods” list. Power foods are fresh/frozen fruits, veggies, lean proteins and grains.

However, if losing 3 pounds this week wasn’t crazy enough….I have been sick…I guess.

Friday or Saturday night the back of my head, around my left ear, felt tender to the touch. Though it kind of hurt, I just figured it was from all the headbands I had been wearing lately. I didn’t think much of it. Sunday night, I started feeling a worst pain. Now there was a pea sized knot behind my left ear. I went to work on Monday. The pain was mildly uncomfortable, but it was very uncomfortable to fall asleep. I couldn’t lay on my back because I would put pressure on the knot. I couldn’t lay on my side because my neck would stretch and a move the knot. It was not cool.

By Tuesday night, I was crying, praying… I didn’t know what to do. So I went to Urgent Care on Wednesday. Doctor checked my ears, nose and throat. Clear! I had no trouble swallowing. No fever. Blood pressure, good. My lymph node was swollen. Apparently, (I didn’t know this till recently) the lymph system is what flushes out impurities in your body. The lymph node behind my ear was trying to fight off a cold or a sore throat. Good catch, little guy! So, that’s why I guess I was sick..but not really. The doc gave me antibiotic/penicillin to take for 2 weeks clear out whatever was trying to attack me.

Yeah..mad crazy week.

.6

This was before my daughter’s swim lesson today.

 

I told you that losing half a pound is a good week for me. Twenty-two days left, and 7.4 pounds to go! Too funny. Oh well, it is what it is. Honestly, with no excuses, I didn’t do what I wanted for the first week. I completely forgot that my baby girl was starting swim lessons last week, and I didn’t plan my workouts ahead of time. I ate fried seafood like crazy over the weekend. So yummy, but definitely NOT what you should be eating when you’re trying to lose 8 pounds in 30 days.

.6 lost

I’ll take it!

With that being said though…I’m not quite sure how much I actually weigh. I’m getting numbers from all kinds of places. My actual weigh in day is Sunday, but I weigh in on Thursday evenings at my Weight Watchers meeting. Everyone knows that you weigh more at the end of long day! So even though it may reflect a loss, I can’t go by that number because it’s showing me at my heaviest. I don’t think so. There are two scales in our bathroom. One is my mother in law’s, the other is mine. Her’s is old. Mine isn’t so old, but it’s definitely time for an upgrade. I have had to take the average weight after weighing myself on both. Her’s makes me 2 pounds lighter, mine makes me 2 pounds heavier…and that’s if you can get an “accurate” number without ERR popping up on the screen. It’s a pain in the butt.

I weigh myself any time I see a scale. The average number is 198, but it would be nice to step on the scale and know for sure that the number is correct. I’m trying not to obsess over a number. (Too late, huh?) However, like I told my dear husband, I’m trying to reach a weight goal, and it would go a lot smoother if I could get a concrete NUMBER.

….

I started challenging myself in my workout, well, it’s a challenge to me. :-p I’m trying to walk/jog 2 miles at or under 35 minutes. For me that’s fast, and I’ve been doing real well. The last 2 times I worked out, I’ve done it under 35 minutes. First time at 33 min and today at 32 minutes! If I can keep that time up for a while, maybe next week I’ll shave off a minute.

So here goes week two! Come on 1 pound loss! I’ll leave you with this lovely picture of me working out, outside.

Working out on the levee. Attractive, I know!

 

 

time to focus, time to train

Okay, it’s “Eye of the tiger” time, people! I try to be goal motivated/oriented. I still have some time left in my 40 day round, however, I feel the need to stretch my mini goal a little further. This morning, when I woke up, I realized that my birthday is just around the corner. Thirty days, to be exact. And though I had a 7.5 lb. goal set for the end of the 40 days (June 19th), I haven’t been very focused on trying to reach that goal. I know that it’s time to kick it into high gear!

I discussed with my husband (some times it feels like a tribal council meeting) what would be a reasonable goal for me to set. So, I started wide and decided to narrow. Thirty days left till my birthday; 30 pounds in the 30 days? Extremely laughable. So, no. How about 15 pounds in 30 days? Still not possible and still a very unhealthy rate of weight loss for me. Next! Okay, 10 pounds in 30 days? Not bad, but at this point in the game, I have come to really know my body and the way it functions. I could not produce that number without some serious, serious help and time. Honestly, I know I’m still not that disciplined and I just want to live a normal life!!*sigh*

I got it! Eight (8) pounds in 30 days!

Okay, so 8 pounds isn’t much different from the 7.5 goal I had earlier. So, why didn’t I just stick with that number? Half a pound a week lost, is a great week for me. Rounding that 7.5 to 8 lbs is a challenge. Come on, 8 lbs. in 30 days, that’s 4 weeks. FOUR! That is 2 pounds a week. Ridiculous! So, yeah, I think I have my work cut out for me, people.

This is the plan: I have 30 days (4 weeks) to lose 8 lbs. by my birthday. To even come close to this, I must stay within my 30 daily Weight Watchers Point Plus Value. I cannot eat any junk food whatsoever, whether I have the points or not! I have to do cardio 5 times a week. I am going to be only drinking water, herbal tea and my 1 cup of morning coffee. No sodas, not even diet!…can’t handle the bloat. And even though I’m going to stay on top of my points, I will be challenging myself to eat 1 serving of fruit and/or vegetables at every meal. Fiber is your friend, people! šŸ˜‰

One thing is for sure, I have to push myself. Even if I don’t hit the 8 lb. mark, 5 will get me into a size 16 jeans, with room to spare! But you never know what you’re capable of until you try. What do I have to lose by trying, other than weight and inches?

It’s gonna be a long 30 days.

mommy reflection and a new goal

Today is Mother’s Day. I woke up this morning truly happy and truly humbled, at the very thought of knowing I am a mom. I am not at all a perfect mom, and some days I don’t even feel like a good mom. However, my baby girl has found it in her heart to love me incredibly and unconditionally! I must be doing something right!

I think what I love the most about being a mom, besides all the free kisses, are the times when I actually impart knowledge to my daughter. It is rewarding to answer questions and actually see understanding on her face. She is a big reason that I am striving to live a healthy life, a full life; because she is my life.

My daughter has never known me thin or even known me at a healthy weight. When I became pregnant for her, I was already 45 lbs. over weight. By the time she was a year old, I was in the 200’s. Now I’m 199. I don’t think she fully understands the magnitude of that. She sees me battle, she sees me win. Thankfully, to her, I’m just Mommy. And that’s who I want to continue to be. Losing weight is giving me more energy to do things with her. It is giving me extra time to be with her.

…….

I’ve maintained 199 lbs for a whole week! It’s a slipper slope, that number. You could go either way. So I’m ready now to keep breaking down the weight loss wall. I set myself a 7.5 pound weight loss goal for this 40 day round. I feel like it’s rather ambitious, but I think I can do it. I haven’t worked out in 2 weeks and was still able to lose 3 lbs. just dieting! I’m ready to crank it up. I said once I broke 200 I would begin working on changing my body composition again. Shooting to be in a size 14 by June 19th. My birthday is June 26th, so if I could be 190 by my 29th birthday I will celebrate BIG TIME! Wish me luck, okay! ‘Cause I’m going to need it!!!

“almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades” OR “trying to keep a positve outlook”

I am the smallest and lightest I have been, in maybe 6 years. I was a size 18 for, at least, 5 years. I am now a comfortable size 16, and I am a Large in most shirts now. It is a good feeling. I love not feeling heavy. I love having more choices in clothes. I love feeling more confident and stronger.

And yet…..

I am upset that I haven’t broken through 200 pounds yet. I am upset that I keep bouncing between 201 and 203. I am upset that stupid brick wall of a plateau has built up. Yes, maybe I am stressing over it too much. Yes, I know that stress hormones keep weight on your body. I know. I know. But I am tired of being in the 200’s.

And now, as I am writing this it is dawning on me that I am no longer clinically obese. Woah! I am no longer obese. *palmface* How amazing is that?

So, the issue at hand is: where do you cross the line between motivation and obsession (which in turn turns into anxiety)? When is almost reaching a goal ok? It is easy to overlook small achievements, and weight loss journeys are a constant roller coaster of emotions. Keeping focused and in tune with reality is a must. Looking back, as much as looking forward, is a must.

I have come a long way in 6 months. Why would I take that away from myself? Over 20 pounds lost, stronger, faster, smaller, healthier…”Almost” is looking alright..

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accountability… to yourself

What a novel concept, right? I admit that I am the first to laugh at the very thought of holding myself accountable to anything. Yet, it must happen. I know that I need to be held accountable in weight loss (and other things). That’s one of the reasons why I blog. I know that many could care less about what’s going on with me, but blogging helps me to check in (and hopefully encourage others).

Now, accountability partners are great! Find yourself a friend, your boy/girlfriend, or spouse to workout with. Maybe you need to get yourself a personal trainer. Having outside accountability is awesome support, but what about personal accountability? Accountability partners are great to start off with, but they wont be around all the time. And trust me, you can find a way to lie to them. This is why personal accountability is so important to master. You only hurt yourself with lies and excuses.

Learn to push yourself through your workouts without any one watching. Learn to make the right food choices on your own without any one nagging you to eat better. It’s gratifying to know that you’re making good decisions on your own. You reap the benefits of your choices, no one else. Knowing that you’re pushing yourself to be the best you can be will make you feel stronger and more confident. These feelings are important to me because when I feel strong and confident, I can embrace myself fully. Plus, it makes me feel thinner! So it’s win-win all around!

Don’t make any more excuses. Be honest with yourself and PUSH HARDER!

what a week

What a week indeed…I scratched off some things from my Fitness Wish List, learned that I love yoga, went on a mini-vacay, and had the longest Easter weekend ever!

So what did I scratch off my wish list? I bought a new yoga mat (never owned one before. love!), bought 2 yoga DVD’s (SHAPE vinyasa flow, and a Jillian Michaels yoga DVD). My husband bought me a new workout tee! It feels so good to get rid of the over-sized t-shirts. IĀ  have been lacking a lot of motivation to workout, and the new gear is so energizing. I have to remind myself all the time to try to find little things to keep me going. The little things that keep you going can result in big things later!

I did yoga all last week. I love it! It can be so relaxing and calming, and then it can be so intense and heart pumping. I think I found my niche. I even did a 20 minute yoga routine while I was on my mini-vacation on the Gulf Coast!

It was a long holiday weekend with lots of food. I didn’t think I would eat so much for Easter, but I sure did. Started the week back at 208.8 again. Boo. But I joined Weight Watchers last night. Yay? Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited and need to try something new to get my eating under control. However, just in my first day I blew my points out of the water..and I didn’t even eat that much! I found myself so hungry earlier, that I scarfed down chips and salsa. Though I have my calorie count familiarized, the counting points has me reeling. Honestly, it’s just about eating more fruits and veggies for fillers. Which really is the best way to go.

I’ve been thinking about becoming a pescatarian, so maybe Weight Watchers can help me transition easier, since it seems that I have to find healthier choices to fill me up and not waste points!

Anyway..I’m a little upset right now because I wrote this long blog and my computer decided to erase it all. My apologies for rushing through this, but my bath and bed are calling. I’m sure I’ll have more to say on my Weight Watchers and yoga quest, later!