…is boring.

Well, maybe not entirely . I’m on instagram. I love looking at my friends pictures. I follow friends and celebrities. To me instagram is much more entertaining than twitter. I can’t keep up with most people’s tweets.

Just like on Facebook, some people post way too often. And I know twitter only gives you so many characters, but you have that much to say maybe you should be blogging. Actually, I take that back. If you have that much to say that is either entertaining, informative, or inspirational…then you should may want to consider blogging.

This is one of the reasons, instagram is the only social app I decided to keep. Some people can also post pictures like crazy, but pictures tell much better stories than any tweet or status update, in my humble opinion.

So why I do I say instagram is boring? Because I have way too many thoughts that I want to put out there with no picture available.

I miss Facebook for this reason. I don’t update all day, but I miss having an outlet to put out my little nuggets of wisdom, revelation and questions. On the flip side though, what really is my posting purpose?

Like I said in my last blog, I would post and then check and recheck if anyone had liked of commented. Just to have some validation. The most frustrating is when I would actually have a deep question or an urgent question, and people would just like it and give me no answers.

I don’t think social media helps us to develop socially. Some think that the power to post is to say whatever you want whenever you want. I’m all for free speech. However freedom comes with responsibility, and a lot of people on Facebook show me they have no discipline at all. Then others don’t respond in any way shape or form. They’re there to stalk and take stock of you …not to be your friend.

I do miss it though…


Lost in a sea of posts

The last you saw me I had deactivated my Facebook page. I know many people who get on and get off and then back on again on Facebook. There is something about it that is totally smothering. Not to mention…yes, to mention, that it is mostly a self-absorbed waste of time. There are many pros and cons when it comes to social media. But one thing is for sure: Facebook has become a job.

There have to be a rare few, like my husband, that just get on Facebook to play games. My husband is not about posting pictures, posting his every thought or checking in at every venue. And I don’t want to sound like I’m above it all…because I am totally a poster, a status updater and check-in girl! I was checking my phone constantly. Did anyone leave a comment? Did anyone like my status, picture or check in? No one is paying attention to my life on Facebook! This must mean that I am unimportant. 

Sick, right?

That is why I had to get off. You know, you can feel lonely enough as it is in this big world; it is not enough that now we can get swallowed up in a sea of status updates, pictures and videos.

Yesterday wasn’t bad. I was sick all day, so I didn’t have time to miss Facebook. Today I went back to work. I’m surprised at how often I didn’t check my phone. Before I deleted all my apps I was checking my phone nonstop, getting dirty looks from certain coworkers for always being on my phone when they popped into my office. I wake up to pee at 3 am practically every morning…I would grab my cell and take it with me to the bathroom to see what I missed in the last 5 hours. I wouldn’t check my phone to check up on others though. I was checking if anyone was checking up on me.

I almost resent social media right now. I don’t want to knock those who stay on Facebook. I was just really tired of getting lost in it. Losing who I am because of it. I want my friends to come find me outside of Facebook. Is that snooty? If you want to have friends you must first show yourself to be friendly. So I don’t want to stalk my friends on Facebook any more.

Now just to figure out how to get in touch with people when no one wants to pick up a phone call any more….

Blogging again and letting go of Facebook

Wow! I hadn’t really realized how long I had disappeared from this blog.

I found myself slowly climbing back up the scale. Actually, last year in October, I went to the emergency room with severe pains in my stomach. The doctors thought it was my gallbladder. They ran blood work, I had an ultrasound done…nothing. Everything was clear. All they could some up was that I had gastritis or an ulcer. So they sent me home. That weekend I had another blood test to check for H. pylori. Clear there too. Every since then I have had a chronic battle with my stomach and a battle with the “poor me’s”.

I haven’t yet gotten a reign on my diet. My exercise is totally nonexistent. But this blog has been in the back of my brain nagging me. I knew that I had to get back on it. Blogging that is. Resurrecting the Girl is about a fight. And I don’t want to quit.

Actually, I decided to come back today because I deactivated my Facebook and Twitter. Besides wanting to feel better and look better, this blog was also supposed to be about my mental and spiritual well-being. When I was rolling on the fitness train, I was obsessed! But I was doing awesome! The other parts of me that needed such similar attention fell by the way side.

I have been struggling a lot with my identity. I feel like I lost a part of myself when I became overweight and then obese. Also, becoming an adult has been very awkward for me. I was and am (deep inside, now it is hidden) a social butterfly of sorts. I am silly. I am funny (people I guess are laughing at me if not with me!). I used to be the life of the party. Gaining weight has made me uncomfortable in my own skin. However, at my own peril I have alienated those I long to be around the most, friends.

Many things had happened in my life, and feeling unworthy has become my niche. The cross that I carry daily. I was using Facebook to basically hurt myself. I was torturing myself by watching others from the outside. Watching old friends having fun with new friends. I am feeling miles away from a world that I don’t know even know I can get back to. So I had to cut it out. I know that I have friends. I actually have many good friends and people who I adore immensely. Yet, I don’t have a best friend (other than my husband) near by. My actual go-to-girl, my LOVE (!), lives in another state, and though we communicate practically every day, all day…I miss the closeness of a friends laugh, hug and jabs.

I want to learn to really love myself as I am and for who I am…. because that is so important in loving others genuinely. I don’t want to be jealous, which I am. I don’t want to be  bitter, which I fear may be true. I don’t want to compare myself to others any more. I don’t want to reject myself any more.

So, I am planning on getting back on track with my health; because if I have to live with gastritis, I can’t take my health lightly. But I am going to work on another project in the mean time. I loved my 40 day rounds when I blogged about fitness and health. So I’m going to blog about 40 days without Facebook.

This is my first post, and though right now I feel relieved of it (Facebook) I know I will feel the pain of it tomorrow when I go back to work. The incessant checking on my phone I know will drive me crazy. I took all my social apps off, well except for Instagram. Facebook is like a disease, and I’m sure if you’re normal and have a Facebook page, you know exactly what I mean. I’m going to need a prayer. I need to find contentment in myself and in my circumstances whether I feel good about them or not. I want to know what it means to cultivate real friendship, a true friendship…possibly get back to the purity of friendship before Facebook.

We’ll see what happens I guess. I keep saying it, but one way or the other this girl is going to resurrect!