a year gone & a new year for living with passion

Today makes exactly one year since I started this blog and my Resurrecting journey. It has been a year of many ups and downs, victories and defeats. I have learned a lot about myself and my resolve. I had no idea up until this last year how I actually ticked and functioned.

In one year I have lost 10% of my body weight (22 lbs to date), and though I haven’t gone to the doctor yet, I’m pretty sure I have brought down my cholesterol. I have learned how strong I really am, how scared I am and how much further I still have to go.

Since my birthday, back in June, I have fallen off the health and fitness wagon. I have been struggling to get back on. I have two weddings coming up and I cannot show up looking a hot mess. I want to look hot! hehehehe

Other than continuing my weight loss journey, I had to remind myself of all the reasons I started this blog in the first place. Originally, yes, I began this blog because I was fat and tired and tired of being fat and tired. (Read here) However, as I read back on my earlier blogs I realized that being fat wasn’t my only problem. I was very unhappy with my life in general. My health was a mess. My spiritual/Christian life was a mess. I had no dreams or vision, and I was drowning.

Though my weight has changed, not much of anything else really has. It has been a constant pull and push on all the other areas. Two steps forward, one step back kind of deals. That has been very frustrating. Though a year has gone by (and it’s been a good year), I must continue in a frame of thought that this “resurrecting” process is for life. I have not been able to make a steady life change on eating healthier and being more active. I have not made a steady life change toward prayer and devotion (personal Bible study). I’m still treading water, and it’s exhausting.

The last couple of weeks have a been a little stressful for me. Things at worked seemed a little unsure. As I said, my health and fitness took a major snooze. I began to become overwhelmed with a feeling of emptiness. I was unhappy. I had no vision or dream. I began to pray out of desperation and embarrassment. I need a dream, a vision. I need structure and clarity. I want to thrive not just survive. So, I am in the midst of devising a new strategy for my new year.

I know enough now what I should be eating and how I should be working out. I have to stop making excuses and put in the work. I know I need order and schedules and plans. So I need to make them to follow through. The same goes with prayer and devotion to God. It doesn’t just happen. And I have been fooling myself waiting around for the clouds to open… This new year is about learning to focus and surrender. I love my comfort zones, and I love to sleep and laze my day away. Yet I panic when I feel like there is no time to do things I know are important.

I wrote out what I do on a weekly basis,  a 168 hour week. In 168 hours I found a least 20 hours that weren’t ear marked for anything. Though there should be time for rest/leisure, these hours were just being wasted. I was really shocked. My excuse of “no time” fell flat. So, how to fill the time?

I love, loooove to sleep. Sleeping is a god to me. It’s a harsh reality I had to confront. I always say there’s no time to pray or read my Bible in silence. How about I wake up 45 minutes earlier and do this? But Sleep…sweet wonderful Sleep? This can’t be any longer. I actually sleep way too much any way. Waking up 45 minutes to an hour earlier wont kill me. (Or will it?)

I fell off the fitness train, and again I say “there is no time”. I found 1 whole hour almost every day where I wasn’t doing anything in particular. Gym time found. Next excuse…

I need to learn that time real does not wait for anyone. You either use the time, or you lose it. Forever. Time is something you never get back, and that may cause some of our biggest regrets. I want to use my time wisely to grow, to live better and to accomplish my dreams. This past year was about getting my self-esteem back. This new year is going to be about living with passion.

Life in 40 days, Part 1

Yesterday marked the end of Another 40 Days. These 40 day intervals are really working for me. For this post, I had the bright idea of posting pictures that I’ve randomly taken over the last 4o days. This way I don’t have to work too hard in trying to find motivation things to say. (Can you say, Lazy! hehehe) I am pretty sure that by this point in my journey, I can say Officially that this now my life style. I am choosing a resurrected life, in more ways than one! So here is a small view of what my life has been like the past month and a half! Enjoy!

1st day of this past 40 day round.

Going to work, feeling confident!

Strong enough to fight off this temptation! Honestly, who would eat something like this? lol

Enjoying a good workout outside before it gets too hot! I love this view.

Treats! And what a wonderful treat. My knees can actually support me in heels and platforms!! Relish the seemingly little things. They’re not so little!

Feeling tiny and looking it too! 🙂

I like to call them Shrimp Gondolas! Yummy, healthy food that helps make the journey a lot easier.

More treats! After a good workout: protein shake, shoes off, QUIET and a good book.

Finished product for this round. After 40 days I’m 4.5 pounds lighter! Yay Me! 🙂

mad crazy

It has been a crazy week for me, mad crazy week.

First off, I would love to report a 3 pound weight loss for this week! Talk about insanity! I, who can barely lose a pound on a good week, lost 3 pounds! I must say though, that it wasn’t without effort. I have been working out hard. I’ve been pushing myself on my walk/jogs on the treadmill or when I work out on the levee. I have been trying to walk 2 miles at or under 35 minutes. Plus, last Friday I not only did my 2 miles on the treadmill, I also did 3 miles in 20 minutes on the stationary bike, then came home and did 25 minutes of yoga! I may try make that a Friday ritual. I really enjoyed it.

Food-wise, I really haven’t been doing anything different. I’m still on Weight Watchers, so I keep track of my points or I do the Simply Full method. Simply Full is when you don’t necessarily keep track of points, but do eat as much food off the “power foods” list. Power foods are fresh/frozen fruits, veggies, lean proteins and grains.

However, if losing 3 pounds this week wasn’t crazy enough….I have been sick…I guess.

Friday or Saturday night the back of my head, around my left ear, felt tender to the touch. Though it kind of hurt, I just figured it was from all the headbands I had been wearing lately. I didn’t think much of it. Sunday night, I started feeling a worst pain. Now there was a pea sized knot behind my left ear. I went to work on Monday. The pain was mildly uncomfortable, but it was very uncomfortable to fall asleep. I couldn’t lay on my back because I would put pressure on the knot. I couldn’t lay on my side because my neck would stretch and a move the knot. It was not cool.

By Tuesday night, I was crying, praying… I didn’t know what to do. So I went to Urgent Care on Wednesday. Doctor checked my ears, nose and throat. Clear! I had no trouble swallowing. No fever. Blood pressure, good. My lymph node was swollen. Apparently, (I didn’t know this till recently) the lymph system is what flushes out impurities in your body. The lymph node behind my ear was trying to fight off a cold or a sore throat. Good catch, little guy! So, that’s why I guess I was sick..but not really. The doc gave me antibiotic/penicillin to take for 2 weeks clear out whatever was trying to attack me.

Yeah..mad crazy week.

real living

Bwahahahaha! With 16 days to go, it is needless to say that I wont be making my 8 pound goal. It’s all good though. Nothing wrong with reaching for the moon. Maybe I can do 8 pounds by labor day. As slowly as I lose weight, that is totally reasonable. I did lose 1.7 lbs. this week, though! Yay!

My goals need to become more reasonable, sure. In the meantime, I am enjoying the confidence that losing weight (and the work it is taking) is yielding. Beyond numbers, a healthy lifestyle brings about so much fun, enjoyable living! When I was in my teens, I was always the life of the party. I brought fun with me every where. After gaining weight and going through other personal blunders, who I truly was disappeared. Hence this blog! Thanks to God, I am finally seeing glimpses of the old me. Of course, older and wiser now, but I am still fun and can still be a life force of enjoyment for my friends! That to me, means more than 8 lbs lost in 4 weeks. This is real living!

 

On the sky deck @ the avenue hotel, Uptown Nola. Ready for a party!

 

At a girls night out, about 4(?) years ago, with Desiree “Hotness” Munoz-Grubb. Check out her blog http://www.operationhotnessblog.wordpress.com

 

 

 

 

Resurrecting the girl & Operation: Hotness
It was a costume party..in case you’re wondering. lol

I am totally enjoying this life! Can’t wait to see what’s next!

.6

This was before my daughter’s swim lesson today.

 

I told you that losing half a pound is a good week for me. Twenty-two days left, and 7.4 pounds to go! Too funny. Oh well, it is what it is. Honestly, with no excuses, I didn’t do what I wanted for the first week. I completely forgot that my baby girl was starting swim lessons last week, and I didn’t plan my workouts ahead of time. I ate fried seafood like crazy over the weekend. So yummy, but definitely NOT what you should be eating when you’re trying to lose 8 pounds in 30 days.

.6 lost

I’ll take it!

With that being said though…I’m not quite sure how much I actually weigh. I’m getting numbers from all kinds of places. My actual weigh in day is Sunday, but I weigh in on Thursday evenings at my Weight Watchers meeting. Everyone knows that you weigh more at the end of long day! So even though it may reflect a loss, I can’t go by that number because it’s showing me at my heaviest. I don’t think so. There are two scales in our bathroom. One is my mother in law’s, the other is mine. Her’s is old. Mine isn’t so old, but it’s definitely time for an upgrade. I have had to take the average weight after weighing myself on both. Her’s makes me 2 pounds lighter, mine makes me 2 pounds heavier…and that’s if you can get an “accurate” number without ERR popping up on the screen. It’s a pain in the butt.

I weigh myself any time I see a scale. The average number is 198, but it would be nice to step on the scale and know for sure that the number is correct. I’m trying not to obsess over a number. (Too late, huh?) However, like I told my dear husband, I’m trying to reach a weight goal, and it would go a lot smoother if I could get a concrete NUMBER.

….

I started challenging myself in my workout, well, it’s a challenge to me. :-p I’m trying to walk/jog 2 miles at or under 35 minutes. For me that’s fast, and I’ve been doing real well. The last 2 times I worked out, I’ve done it under 35 minutes. First time at 33 min and today at 32 minutes! If I can keep that time up for a while, maybe next week I’ll shave off a minute.

So here goes week two! Come on 1 pound loss! I’ll leave you with this lovely picture of me working out, outside.

Working out on the levee. Attractive, I know!

 

 

time to focus, time to train

Okay, it’s “Eye of the tiger” time, people! I try to be goal motivated/oriented. I still have some time left in my 40 day round, however, I feel the need to stretch my mini goal a little further. This morning, when I woke up, I realized that my birthday is just around the corner. Thirty days, to be exact. And though I had a 7.5 lb. goal set for the end of the 40 days (June 19th), I haven’t been very focused on trying to reach that goal. I know that it’s time to kick it into high gear!

I discussed with my husband (some times it feels like a tribal council meeting) what would be a reasonable goal for me to set. So, I started wide and decided to narrow. Thirty days left till my birthday; 30 pounds in the 30 days? Extremely laughable. So, no. How about 15 pounds in 30 days? Still not possible and still a very unhealthy rate of weight loss for me. Next! Okay, 10 pounds in 30 days? Not bad, but at this point in the game, I have come to really know my body and the way it functions. I could not produce that number without some serious, serious help and time. Honestly, I know I’m still not that disciplined and I just want to live a normal life!!*sigh*

I got it! Eight (8) pounds in 30 days!

Okay, so 8 pounds isn’t much different from the 7.5 goal I had earlier. So, why didn’t I just stick with that number? Half a pound a week lost, is a great week for me. Rounding that 7.5 to 8 lbs is a challenge. Come on, 8 lbs. in 30 days, that’s 4 weeks. FOUR! That is 2 pounds a week. Ridiculous! So, yeah, I think I have my work cut out for me, people.

This is the plan: I have 30 days (4 weeks) to lose 8 lbs. by my birthday. To even come close to this, I must stay within my 30 daily Weight Watchers Point Plus Value. I cannot eat any junk food whatsoever, whether I have the points or not! I have to do cardio 5 times a week. I am going to be only drinking water, herbal tea and my 1 cup of morning coffee. No sodas, not even diet!…can’t handle the bloat. And even though I’m going to stay on top of my points, I will be challenging myself to eat 1 serving of fruit and/or vegetables at every meal. Fiber is your friend, people! 😉

One thing is for sure, I have to push myself. Even if I don’t hit the 8 lb. mark, 5 will get me into a size 16 jeans, with room to spare! But you never know what you’re capable of until you try. What do I have to lose by trying, other than weight and inches?

It’s gonna be a long 30 days.

trigger eating

Emotional eating, stress eating, eating ’cause you’re bored… We all eat for a reason. These reasons are some times called triggers. What propels you to eat things that you shouldn’t? What propels you to eat just to eat? Technically, all the reasons I listed are considered emotional eating. The emotion that triggers me is Boredom.

Boredom is an emotional state experienced when an individual is left without anything in particular to do, and is not interested in their surroundings. Thanks, Wikipedia!

I get snack-y (as I like to say) when I have nothing to do. If it’s slow at work, I want to raid the kitchen. If it’s a lazy day at home, I’m searching out pantries, freezers and cookie jars. I’m actually trying to keep the kitchen raid at bay, as I type. The day is dragging, our grocery shopping is done, watched a movie with the family…and now I’m watching the clock. There is nothing left to do really. I did a lap around the kitchen inspecting over-sized bags of chips, a cooking jar, and playing that weird game with the fridge. You know the game; when you open the door expecting something magical to happen. I open the door and stare hard into the fridge hoping to find something “satisfying” to eat. However, I’m not trying to satisfy hunger because I’m not hungry! I’m bored. So, so bored!

So I grabbed my Brita water bottle (maybe I’m just thirsty), and I plopped down in front of my lap top to share my predicament. It’s too hot outside right now to go for a walk on the levee, and I don’t have enough time to go to the gym before going to church with my family. I could use some motivation, right now, to keep my eye on the prize. How do you avoid emotional eating?

mommy reflection and a new goal

Today is Mother’s Day. I woke up this morning truly happy and truly humbled, at the very thought of knowing I am a mom. I am not at all a perfect mom, and some days I don’t even feel like a good mom. However, my baby girl has found it in her heart to love me incredibly and unconditionally! I must be doing something right!

I think what I love the most about being a mom, besides all the free kisses, are the times when I actually impart knowledge to my daughter. It is rewarding to answer questions and actually see understanding on her face. She is a big reason that I am striving to live a healthy life, a full life; because she is my life.

My daughter has never known me thin or even known me at a healthy weight. When I became pregnant for her, I was already 45 lbs. over weight. By the time she was a year old, I was in the 200’s. Now I’m 199. I don’t think she fully understands the magnitude of that. She sees me battle, she sees me win. Thankfully, to her, I’m just Mommy. And that’s who I want to continue to be. Losing weight is giving me more energy to do things with her. It is giving me extra time to be with her.

…….

I’ve maintained 199 lbs for a whole week! It’s a slipper slope, that number. You could go either way. So I’m ready now to keep breaking down the weight loss wall. I set myself a 7.5 pound weight loss goal for this 40 day round. I feel like it’s rather ambitious, but I think I can do it. I haven’t worked out in 2 weeks and was still able to lose 3 lbs. just dieting! I’m ready to crank it up. I said once I broke 200 I would begin working on changing my body composition again. Shooting to be in a size 14 by June 19th. My birthday is June 26th, so if I could be 190 by my 29th birthday I will celebrate BIG TIME! Wish me luck, okay! ‘Cause I’m going to need it!!!

turning my health journey into a spiritual journey (my battle with extremes)

**Just a little notice. This blog is long, and is preachy. So if it’s not your cup of tea, I wont be offended if you don’t read.**

Living a healthy life style is admirable. Losing weight can be inspirational. A journey of huge weight loss proportions is epic! It can be epic, and a little obsessive. I don’t know about you, but I struggle with extremes. Some thing becomes a super priority, and then everything else just falls by the wayside. I really don’t like that about myself. I know that it annoys the hell out of my husband. I just can’t help it! Or can I? …No, really. Can I?

I started this blog, not just because I was a miserable fat person, but because I was a person who struggled (and obviously still does) with extremes. I couldn’t just eat 1 cheese burger. I had to have 2 double cheeses burgers. It wasn’t enough that my body was telling me, “Stop eating you’re stuffed!” I was going to finish everything on plate, like it was my last meal. However, I wasn’t just dealing with food issues, I was dealing with spiritual issues too.

I am a born again Christian. I grew up in church, and when I was 11 years old, I got saved at a Vacation Bible School. I sang in church from age 11 till about 2 years ago. I was involved in youth group and the worship team. I love my church life, friends and family. I love God. That is a big part of who I am. Some where down the line though, I just stopped caring. I lost my identity. I have been feeling lost for a good while now. Now, not to get into a long testimonial, but I need to get right. If you read any of my earlier posts, I believe that they were deeply emotional and spiritual. I cannot separate those parts of me. My health issues where very much connected with my spiritual issues.

I give a lot of credit to my husband for helping me out, in my weight loss journey. He’s been supportive. He’s been real with me about my food choices and image distortions. I give a lot of credit to my best friend. She has also been supportive; guiding me, cheering me on and even yelling at me. This journey would have been a lot harder without them. However, and yes I will testify, the person I hardly ever give credit to is my God. He has given me wisdom. He had to remove a lot fear and doubt out of my heart. He had to give me the ability to see myself in a true positive light. I know I could have never done this without Him.

And yet, I continually try to keep Him out of it….but only when I feel that I can do it on my own. Give me a day when I feel ugly, huge as a house and lost in this world, and I’m yelling out “Help me, Jesus! I can’t do this without you!”

Remember, I have an issue with extremes. When I started this journey I was pitiful, leaning on God’s shoulder for every answer. I started working out and my body started getting stronger….Maaaannn, I became so obsessed with myself, it ain’t even funny. And what honestly makes me so mad and confused is, how can you make a journey that is you-you-you, day in and day out, about anything else? I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying. Well, not all together…of course I have to pray when I need something. *-*

So, I had to do what I knew I had to do. Repent. I had to repent because I was so self-centered. I had to repent because I didn’t believe God could do anything for me. That is raw truth. I DID NOT BELIEVE HE COULD HELP ME AT ALL! Why would the God of the Universe worry about me trying to lose weight? What could the God of the Universe have to say about health? I had to laugh at myself for such statements. Then I had to repent after I read this: But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he(me)has done has been done through God.–John 3:21 NIV

I have not been living in God’s truth. I have not being doing this weight loss thing completely through Him. Yes, God worries about our bodies and our body image, because He loves us and sees us with much more compassionate eyes. God could give me more insight into how my body works because, uh duh, He created it! *sigh*

So, to make a long blog short (sorry about that!), my next forty day challenge will not only be to continue with the external, but also focus on the internal. I have a long way to go in reconciling my body with my heart, mind and spirit. I belong to Jesus. So He deserves my focus, and in turn, I know He will reward me with wisdom and time to keep up with my body.

There is a little fear that I’ll drop all my health plans to pursue religious emotions. I don’t need to eat healthy or exercise. Jesus is all I need. I’ve done it before. And to get preachy once more, you honestly can’t follow Christ halfheartedly. He is an “all or nothing” God. So I cannot be a “some of the time” believer. So, how can I help it? By living out the journey, one day at a time.

Oh, happy day! 199

Yesterday morning, I stepped on the scale, and to my ultimate surprise it finally read 199 pounds! One Hundred and Ninety-Nine pounds, people! This is an epic moment for me. I have been in the 200’s for at least the past 6 years. I have gotten close to breaking the 200’s and have never fully succeeded until now! It is mind-boggling to me. Almost like, I have no clue what to do with myself. So, in celebration of Me, I will go and buy a dress.

I really have to give major props to Weight Watchers. I joined on April 7th, and it has worked so well in helping me get out of that slump I fell into in February. I haven’t been working out so intensely, as before. When I joined WW’s, I told myself that I would just concentrate on just dropping actual pounds (as a posed to losing inches, like before), and then once I broke 200 pounds I would go back to working on changing my body composition (back to focusing on losing inches). I feel like now that I have taken down a piece of my weight loss wall, I can bulldozer the rest. Now it is time to set another weight loss goal. My birthday is coming up in June, and I would like to be 190 pounds by then. I’ll definitely settle for 195 and couple of shaved off inches, though. 😉

I have learned to be more creative with my food, when cooking. That has been a huge help for me. I want to enjoy my food, healthy or not. I love to savor my food. Eating is a total experience of all my senses. So, if you’re like me, don’t settle for only eating frozen diet meals! I eat those to if I don’t have time or don’t feel like making anything. However, I wouldn’t have made it this far alone on that! It’s boring, and sometimes not very good food.

Commercial time: What I love about Weight Watchers (and you don’t have to do WW’s to do this) is that you can eat anything. ANYTHING. So you have to decide what is worth to you to spend your points on. Before WW’s I had to decide what was worth to spend my calories on. If you’re not enjoying the food, you wont enjoy the process, and you will quit. I have had to experiment to make meals matter to me, and I have loved them! Here are a few. I hope that these may give you a few ideas, and if you have any ideas, please send them my way!

This was my breakfast this morning. I like to “splurge” on the weekend because during the week I drink breakfast smoothies.
1 large brown egg whole & 1 egg white. 1 tbs fresh salsa, piece of toast with goat cheese (it’s my favorite cheese!). A cup of strawberries and black berries, 8 oz of fat-free chocolate milk, and a cup of coffee (that I can’t do without) with a splash of milk, no sugar.

An apple & a plain turkey sandwich. What made it special for me was a nice slice of yellow bell pepper, gave it a good crunch.

I used a Morning Star chicken patty, 1 oz. goat cheese, 1/4 oz of avocado, red bell pepper and some spring mix. Colorful and creamy!

My baby girl loves tacos. So I substituted the hard taco shell for lettuce. Saves on points and calories. 2 oz. lean ground beef, 1/4 cup fat-free re-fried beans, 1/2 tbs plain Greek yogurt, a pinch of fat-free cheddar, and a few dots of Habanero sauce!

 

 

Same concept as before, but this time with 2 oz. of shrimp, grilled.