a year gone & a new year for living with passion

Today makes exactly one year since I started this blog and my Resurrecting journey. It has been a year of many ups and downs, victories and defeats. I have learned a lot about myself and my resolve. I had no idea up until this last year how I actually ticked and functioned.

In one year I have lost 10% of my body weight (22 lbs to date), and though I haven’t gone to the doctor yet, I’m pretty sure I have brought down my cholesterol. I have learned how strong I really am, how scared I am and how much further I still have to go.

Since my birthday, back in June, I have fallen off the health and fitness wagon. I have been struggling to get back on. I have two weddings coming up and I cannot show up looking a hot mess. I want to look hot! hehehehe

Other than continuing my weight loss journey, I had to remind myself of all the reasons I started this blog in the first place. Originally, yes, I began this blog because I was fat and tired and tired of being fat and tired. (Read here) However, as I read back on my earlier blogs I realized that being fat wasn’t my only problem. I was very unhappy with my life in general. My health was a mess. My spiritual/Christian life was a mess. I had no dreams or vision, and I was drowning.

Though my weight has changed, not much of anything else really has. It has been a constant pull and push on all the other areas. Two steps forward, one step back kind of deals. That has been very frustrating. Though a year has gone by (and it’s been a good year), I must continue in a frame of thought that this “resurrecting” process is for life. I have not been able to make a steady life change on eating healthier and being more active. I have not made a steady life change toward prayer and devotion (personal Bible study). I’m still treading water, and it’s exhausting.

The last couple of weeks have a been a little stressful for me. Things at worked seemed a little unsure. As I said, my health and fitness took a major snooze. I began to become overwhelmed with a feeling of emptiness. I was unhappy. I had no vision or dream. I began to pray out of desperation and embarrassment. I need a dream, a vision. I need structure and clarity. I want to thrive not just survive. So, I am in the midst of devising a new strategy for my new year.

I know enough now what I should be eating and how I should be working out. I have to stop making excuses and put in the work. I know I need order and schedules and plans. So I need to make them to follow through. The same goes with prayer and devotion to God. It doesn’t just happen. And I have been fooling myself waiting around for the clouds to open… This new year is about learning to focus and surrender. I love my comfort zones, and I love to sleep and laze my day away. Yet I panic when I feel like there is no time to do things I know are important.

I wrote out what I do on a weekly basis,  a 168 hour week. In 168 hours I found a least 20 hours that weren’t ear marked for anything. Though there should be time for rest/leisure, these hours were just being wasted. I was really shocked. My excuse of “no time” fell flat. So, how to fill the time?

I love, loooove to sleep. Sleeping is a god to me. It’s a harsh reality I had to confront. I always say there’s no time to pray or read my Bible in silence. How about I wake up 45 minutes earlier and do this? But Sleep…sweet wonderful Sleep? This can’t be any longer. I actually sleep way too much any way. Waking up 45 minutes to an hour earlier wont kill me. (Or will it?)

I fell off the fitness train, and again I say “there is no time”. I found 1 whole hour almost every day where I wasn’t doing anything in particular. Gym time found. Next excuse…

I need to learn that time real does not wait for anyone. You either use the time, or you lose it. Forever. Time is something you never get back, and that may cause some of our biggest regrets. I want to use my time wisely to grow, to live better and to accomplish my dreams. This past year was about getting my self-esteem back. This new year is going to be about living with passion.

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mad crazy

It has been a crazy week for me, mad crazy week.

First off, I would love to report a 3 pound weight loss for this week! Talk about insanity! I, who can barely lose a pound on a good week, lost 3 pounds! I must say though, that it wasn’t without effort. I have been working out hard. I’ve been pushing myself on my walk/jogs on the treadmill or when I work out on the levee. I have been trying to walk 2 miles at or under 35 minutes. Plus, last Friday I not only did my 2 miles on the treadmill, I also did 3 miles in 20 minutes on the stationary bike, then came home and did 25 minutes of yoga! I may try make that a Friday ritual. I really enjoyed it.

Food-wise, I really haven’t been doing anything different. I’m still on Weight Watchers, so I keep track of my points or I do the Simply Full method. Simply Full is when you don’t necessarily keep track of points, but do eat as much food off the “power foods” list. Power foods are fresh/frozen fruits, veggies, lean proteins and grains.

However, if losing 3 pounds this week wasn’t crazy enough….I have been sick…I guess.

Friday or Saturday night the back of my head, around my left ear, felt tender to the touch. Though it kind of hurt, I just figured it was from all the headbands I had been wearing lately. I didn’t think much of it. Sunday night, I started feeling a worst pain. Now there was a pea sized knot behind my left ear. I went to work on Monday. The pain was mildly uncomfortable, but it was very uncomfortable to fall asleep. I couldn’t lay on my back because I would put pressure on the knot. I couldn’t lay on my side because my neck would stretch and a move the knot. It was not cool.

By Tuesday night, I was crying, praying… I didn’t know what to do. So I went to Urgent Care on Wednesday. Doctor checked my ears, nose and throat. Clear! I had no trouble swallowing. No fever. Blood pressure, good. My lymph node was swollen. Apparently, (I didn’t know this till recently) the lymph system is what flushes out impurities in your body. The lymph node behind my ear was trying to fight off a cold or a sore throat. Good catch, little guy! So, that’s why I guess I was sick..but not really. The doc gave me antibiotic/penicillin to take for 2 weeks clear out whatever was trying to attack me.

Yeah..mad crazy week.

4: finally getting a move on getting things done

It has been a busy weekend. Sean and I moved our bed, clothes and bathroom stuff over to his grandmother’s house. We spent our first night last night. My babygirl was so excited she didn’t know what to do with herself. It makes me so happy to see how complete she feels with us around. Sean wondered for a minute (before the move) if Andrea would really be excited, but I told  him that Andrea thrives having all of her family surrounding her. She loves being with us all, and now we’re going to be together all the time! Wonder how fast it will take for the excitement to wear off! (lol)

Other than it being a successful move, so far (still have a few things over at my mom’s), it has been a pretty unsuccessful healthy weekend. I feel pretty bad for letting myself go because it only takes a few days to ruin weeks worth of work, but sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches of the day. I have to laugh at myself for that thought. It is such a horrible excuse for making bad decisions. Last night I read a quote on Facebook that really stuck in my brain. “You can’t make the same mistake twice, the second time around it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice.”

For instance, yesterday for lunch we had Taco Bell. I had a XXL Grilled stuffed burrito (which killed my tummy later) and two of the greasiest hard tacos I had ever seen in my life, even for Taco Bell. Then for dinner the whole family went down to Ruby Red’s for dinner. I had a steak burger (6 oz) and fries, which I didn’t eat all of because I started getting a migraine…probably triggered by the Taco Bell. I get one, 1, O-N-E, cheat meal a weekend..and so far I have had 3! Three! It’s not funny, but I really do have to laugh at myself. Old habits die hard, yet eventually they have to die. I have to keep reminding myself that I always have a choice, and I can’t complain if I am at fault for the results.

Tomorrow starts a new week. A new week to eat right, exercise and to finally buckle down on my relationship with God. I told you that I have to schedule everything, and that relationships take effort and time. I want to take advantage of an early morning devotional and prayer time. Honestly, if I don’t do it first thing in the morning, it will never get done. Too many distractions through out the day to think that I can squeeze time for prayer and Bible reading. Besides, I want God to have my full attention. I don’t want to have to keep looking at my cell phone clock, hoping that no one is looking for me or waiting for me. I want stillness, quiet and God. I haven’t really looked forward to those things in a while. So it will be beautifully interesting to see how it all goes down.