fat clothes and yo-yo’s

I have been going over and over again in my head about this introductory blog. This is “Resurrecting the girl”, a blog of a girl on the brink of 30, desiring to lose weight, get spiritually grounded and find her place in the world. I cannot get to the hard-hitting stuff, without being a little whiny. Bear with me, okay? This whole blog is birthed out of the sheer fact that I am running out of fat clothes. I am already 80 lbs over weight, so to be running out of fat clothes at this point, is very depressing and distressing to me.

I once was a singer/songwriter with dreams of being famous! I was extremely hot once! I had tons of energy once. I felt like nothing could stop me once. It’s amazing how physical weight can bear even heavier on one’s soul than their bones, and trust me, my bones are aching. I am called “The Illest of all Jandra’s” by a lovely friend of mine named Tobi. I don’t feel like “the illest”. I just feel ill.

I am unhealthy, with a cholesterol count of 300 (maybe more, I can’t remember). I am starting to have bouts with acid reflux. And to top it off, I am a fast food junkie. I know I am a true junkie because my cholesterol count doesn’t stop me from eating it. My battered digestive system doesn’t stop me from eating it. Not even the smell of a dank mopped floor with the whiff of grease, at the fast food window, stops me from eating it. I am in dire straights. I am in need of a full life rehab, and the only thing I can think of to help me straighten up my life is writing.

I have yo-yoed with the same 10-15 lbs for years now. Enough is enough! Right? I have enough reasons to stop putting myself through misery. Did I mention that I have a wonderful husband and beautiful 5 year old daughter? I want to live and be there to love them and be able to enjoy feeling loved back. Agony. Agony is what I feel the most. So, I’m going to have to whine for a while as I try to bring life back to myself.

God help me. Jesus love me enough through this. Amen.

This wont all be “my life sucks because I’m fat.” It’s just part of my reality right now. I ask again, please bear with me. I’m gonna resurrect this girl some how.

Ready for a new life